Who’s Smarter, Dogs or Republicans?

I’m gonna have to go with dogs. Not all dogs, mind you. A lot breeds will do exactly as they’re told, just like Republicans. But the smartest breeds, especially herders like border collies, have to be able to think independently. Very few Republicans can meet that standard.

I realized that this morning when confronted by Youtube videos of Americans burning their Nike shoes because the sports-equipment company hired blacklisted NFL quarterback Colin Kaepernick for its latest ad campaign. This knee-jerk reaction has a long tradition among conservatives (they love their traditions!) going back to the geniuses who poured French wine down gutters because the French wouldn’t pretend invading Iraq was a good idea. A few months ago slack-jawed Fox fans were destroying their Keurig coffee makers because the company pulled advertising from Sean Hannity’s show over the host’s defense of Roy Moore (‘memba him?) — and I had to look that up, because I couldn’t remember what triggered them. I wonder if the people who smashed their Keurigs remember why they did it?

The logical failure here is obvious: The destroyers bought these items. The effectiveness of a boycott depends on not buying something. Once you’ve purchased it, the company doesn’t care what you do with it as long as they can’t be sued.

Nike’s stock dropped more than 3% in reaction, but the company obviously knew the decision would create backlash — I’m sure they were counting on it. The predictable conservative reaction has showered the company with millions of dollars’ worth of free media. I’m also sure the company realizes who its customers are, and a lot more of them are young and dark-skinned than old and red-necked.

So congratulations, Nike-burning Republicans. Once again, you played yourself.