Putin Starting to Wonder If His Puppets Are Smart Enough to Pull This Off

Filed in National by on March 3, 2017

MOSCOW (The Borowitz Report)—Russian President Vladimir Putin is “starting to get concerned” that the puppets he installed in the executive branch of the U.S. government “might not be up to the task at hand,” sources confirmed on Tuesday.

According to the sources, the flameout of the national-security adviser Michael Flynn was only the most recent event that has caused Putin to wonder if the figureheads he propelled into office are “just too dim-witted” to serve the goals of the Russian Federation.

“When you choose a puppet, you’re looking for a sweet spot,” one source close to Putin said. “You want to choose someone who’s dumb enough to be manipulated, but not so dumb that he can’t find the light switches.”

“Increasingly, it looks like we missed that sweet spot,” the source said.

Putin is reportedly willing to have a “wait and see” attitude with his current puppets, but, if things do not improve markedly, he will not hesitate to “make some changes,” the source said.

(Note: This satire by Andy Borowitz sure doesn’t feel like satire.)

Vladimir Putin

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Jason330 is a deep cover double agent working for the GOP. Don't tell anybody.

Comments (4)

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  1. Stat says:

    There is video that will soon surface of Trump using Russian salad dressing. Case closed!

  2. Alby says:

    Right. Like you’d be shrugging this off if it was Clinton.

    We always knew you folks were this stupid. We didn’t think you were this venal.

  3. Jason330 says:

    Stat, venal means corrupt or able to bribe.

  4. RE Vanella says:

    Stat didn’t know. That’s what makes it funny.

    Politics ebbs & flows, but some people will always be fucking dumb.