A Well-Regulated Uterus
As Delaware Liberal’s Senior Women’s Issue Expert (sounds official, right? I gave myself a promotion) I have to ask, can we talk about birth control? And by birth control of course I mean abortion and reproductive freedoms, which are about to get FUCKED—see what I did there?
With the nomination of “Scalia Jr.,” Neil Gorsuch, the Republican-controlled Congress is flexing its morality based pro-life muscle (as long as said life is in utero, and then totally self-sufficient upon exit from said womb—but that is another post). It’s a pretty safe bet that we may see some roll backs in reproductive freedom. Indeed, many women are considering or getting multi-year birth control options, such as IUDs, because of the very real concern that monthly birth control may be actually, or at least affordably, unavailable soon.
As disturbing as those issues are to me, I want to focus on an important, but unspoken part of the pro-choice/pro-life dialogue. That is, women bear the overwhelming brunt of the condemnation when it comes to abortion and bear the most responsibility for birth control in general. And before you get your sensitive male panties twisted, yes—not all men are asswipes, and, yes, some women are. Can we just trust that I’m not talking about YOU as in you personally (unless you’re feeling guilty, then I definitely mean you), but the universal “you” meant as a broad social construct.
I’m sure that this will be unpopular, but ultimately I don’t think men should have a say in an abortion. Hear me out. I know you’re already jumping to the comments section to voice your outrage. And please, by all means, go ahead. But first listen. You have a say BEFORE abortion is the option. Ask the lady your sexing what her plan is if there is a birth control failure. If you don’t like her answer, don’t put your dick in her. Harsh, I know, but it’s women who are on the hook for unplanned pregnancies. There are no laws that make you have burial services for your masturbatory tissues. But there are (in a fucked up display of “compassionate” religious legislating), laws regarding the burial of aborted fetuses. Because the trauma of unwanted pregnancy, the actual abortion procedure, moral judgment, possible economic consequences, and so on, were not enough of a burden. I mean WWRJD (what would republican Jesus do)?
There is a national conversation about punishing women who have abortions. There are protections in place for doctors to NOT TREAT a woman who has ever in her life had an abortion. Want to make it so women lie to their doctors and receive care based on an inaccurate or incomplete file? Keep passing legislation like that. So, we are swinging away from Roe. More and more state legislative branches are red. More governors are red and more abortions restrictions are being passed. Women are at the center of these laws. Not men. I know it’s hard when things aren’t about you, but in this case, punitive abortion laws aren’t targeting men. (You want to talk about unfair parenting rulings, child support, or women who use children to control men—cool, write your own article). I hear all the time “I don’t think abortion should be birth control.” And? Great you think that, but you don’t get to fucking legislate that. I think you shouldn’t wear socks and sandals. It’s gross and offensive to me, but I’m not trying to pass a law.
Now look I know that Mary totes got pregnant through divine intervention, but the rest of us needed help to get knocked up. But somehow even though we didn’t get ourselves pregnant, we are held primarily responsible. Men aren’t punished for abortion. And men generally aren’t punished for promiscuity. Men can and do walk away—all the time. I know #notallmen is a movement, but the number of single mothers raising children without consistent help speaks for itself. And if you’ve ever found yourself on the wrong side of a positive pregnancy test, it can be terrifying. But now it’s even scarier. You have to hope you live in a state that has friendly laws. You need to have anywhere between $500-$750 for a first trimester abortion. You have to hope that there isn’t an invasive internal ultrasound. That’s where they shove a wand up your vagina and force you to look at a fetus while they describe in detail the developmental stage. You have to hope there isn’t a mandatory waiting period so you don’t have to travel multiple times. You have to hope there is a clinic where you can receive medical treatment somewhere in your state. You have to hope you don’t get bombed.
Men aren’t regulated like this. Pharmacists aren’t refusing to fill your boner pills because it violates their moral conscience. Doctors aren’t refusing to treat you because at some point in your life you’ve made a decision with which they disagree. People don’t protest outside your health clinics calling you a whore. So when I say men don’t have a say, what I mean is you are free to express your opinion, but ultimately after you had sex without discussing the potential outcomes, your opinion doesn’t matter.
When we talk about an assault on women or a war on women, this is part of what we are talking about. That every fucking year a group of mostly old, mostly white, mostly men get together and pass a set of laws based on their morality for my uterus. There are people who don’t know that women’s periods don’t originate from the bladder. There are people who think that you can just “hold it” and bleed on your own time and all at once. There are people who think that periods are taboo. There are grown ass men who don’t know that women have two openings in their lady-specific nether region (spoiler: neither of them is your butt) and some of these fuckers are passing laws about a body they don’t understand. And that is NOT OKAY. Your moral codes to not get to dictate what I do with my body. You don’t have to support abortion rights, but the least you can do is get the fuck out of my way.
I know. I know. I’m an irrational angry woman! Maybe I’m about to start my period? This war on women is all in my head, micro-aggressions hurt my feelings, and other people have it worse. Yuuuuup. Feel free to organize for their cause and let me know how I can contribute as you lead the charge. Go ahead, I’ll wait.
Kisses.
Tags: War on Women, Women Health
“Women are at the center of these laws. Not men. I know it’s hard when things aren’t about you, but in this case, punitive abortion laws aren’t targeting men.”
On the contrary, in America, punitive abortion laws tend to exempt the pregnant woman from punishment and punish the physician or other providers, which includes many if not mostly men.
I heard recently 7 out of 10 Americans don’t want Roe v. Wade overturned. The problem isn’t “men,” it’s the men elected by both men and women voters.
puck, you’re missing the point of the post and taking a strict definition of punitive as it regards to jail time and other punishments. I believe Evey’s post is about laws that are punitive against a woman’s reproductive rights. That’s how I read it anyway.
@puck the men we elect are absolutely a problem.
In terms of punitive–I more meant that the abortions laws themselves are punitive specifically to women in that women are subjected to a waiting period. Women are subjected to sometimes invasive transvaginal ultrasounds. Women are subjected to the protesting. I didn’t necessarily mean jail, though Trump’s assertion that “there has to be some form of punishment” made my blood run cold.
One correction: These people are not pro-life, they are pro-forced birth. And it really is all about their religion. And it’s not even evangelicals who lead this authoritarian cult, it’s the Catholics.
Have a serious discussion with an intelligent forced-birther and you’ll learn that they aren’t anti-abortion, they’re anti-sex outside of male-dominated marriage. Ask why they don’t support more access to birth control, which would reduce abortions, and they’ll launch into a lecture about how damaging sex is for teenage girls to engage in. It’s mostly about fear of their daughters engaging in sex. A lot of parents, fathers particularly, have a problem with this, and beneath all the jokes it’s clear that daughters, like wives, are still considered a man’s “property,” to be defended against invaders.
And, sadly, a lot of these forced-birthers are women. Evey, maybe you can explain the psychology there, because it eludes me.
Oh, we’re on the path to jail time – and anyone paying the slightest bit of attention knows that. Right now the punitive measure (in addition to long list provided above) is forced birth, which is a pretty hefty punishment – and one countless men escape. Let’s write laws and enforce the laws that exist to hold men accountable for their actions. If you have a problem with that then it’s easy to see where Evey is coming from.
Evey laid out the punitive measures quite clearly. Blowing past her points to get to where puck landed is quite a stretch.
@alby, I’m not speaking for Evey here, but your comment that “a lot of these forced-birthers are women” may be true but neglects that a lot of these forced-birthers are men as well. That said, we do live in a patriarchal society.
@nemski: Yes, obviously that’s true. But let’s not blame it on gender, and please don’t think I’m defending the men.
I understand why men want to control women. I don’t understand why forced-birther women want that to be the case.
The point is, we have a pro-choice country and an anti-choice Congress. Those anti-choice Congresswomen and Congressmen didn’t just get there with men’s votes – it took a lot of women to elect them, and a lot of women to stay home on election day.
If you’re going to go there, we have a majority-Democratic country with every elected branch controlled by the minority party. This is not a good recipe for a functioning democratic republic.
Democrats gave up the pro-choice majority in government when they abandoned the economic interests of the working class.
Huh? Since when are reproductive rights connected to the working class? Women of all economic backgrounds need abortions; women of all economic backgrounds vote Republican.
Duh. Dems chose to go “Republican Lite” on taxes and jobs, which caused the election of many real Republicans. That’s how Dems let anti-choice majorities form in Congress and statehouses. All the while consoling themselves that they always voted for the pro-choice candidate.
Being forced to give birth will affect all women’s economy and job prospects. Having another baby costs money, so even if we had a booming economy, increased minimum wage, and plenty of good jobs, women will be taking an economic hit because of these laws.
First they came for the blue collar workers, and I did not speak out, because I was not a blue collar worker.
Then they came for our pensions, and I did not speak out, because I have plenty of money.
Then they came for the minimum wage workers, and I did not speak out, because I make more than minimum wage.
Then they came for my reproductive rights, and there was no one left to speak for me.
Some people including women admire black and white authoritarian leadership, rules and dogma. They will enforce their dogma even when it obviously works against themselves. Tribal manipulation and resentment is more powerful that reason, especially among the uneducated
Especially women who’s religion tells them to keep popping out nationalist warriors once a year.
I love how this thread has devolved into blaming women for a patriarchal society. Seriously, what the fuck guys. This is embarrassing.
Ya think?
Hold on there. Is “a patriarchal society” your answer to my question?
I asked a straightforward question — or, actually, just said “I don’t understand the women who fall for this crap.” OK, it’s because of a patriarchal society. In that case, my question becomes, “How does the patriarchal society get women to fall for this crap?”
Because I don’t think “a patriarchal society” is sufficient explanation, in 2016, of why 53% of white women voted for Trump. I don’t understand those women, and I’m trying to find some insight.
If I wanted a thread of comments saying, “Oh, you’re so right!” I would go to a different site.
The women who have helped perpetuate it, yes. They share the blame. Or do you think they arent strong enough to be villains?
Go and defend Damsel DeVos from mean old Bernie Bro Sanders.
Huh? My question is basically, “What are these women thinking?” I can see how they voted. I know they’re part of the problem. What I want to know is, what’s in it for them?
Incredibly enough, I was asking the women, particularly the author. You seem to be the one in the defensive pose IMO.
@pandora: Yes, mocking people is the best way to win them over to your side. It worked so well in the November election, let’s keep doing it!
@both of you: There are no embarrassing questions. There are, however, lots of people who get involved in politics not just to work for change, but to preen about it.
@pandora: “Being forced to give birth will affect all women’s economy and job prospects. Having another baby costs money, so even if we had a booming economy, increased minimum wage, and plenty of good jobs, women will be taking an economic hit because of these laws.”
This is the same thing I said. It’s not a class issue.
@nemski and Ben: This inability to discuss women’s issues without a certificate of righteousness in hand is what wrecked this site in the first place. I am not in any way attacking what Evey wrote. But I am getting sick and tired of being told that 53% of white women voted for Trump because they are … what? Brainwashed? Invested in their own second-class status? I am seeking an explanation, and you’re not helping. You’re simply assuming bad intent because I’m asking the question.
And I get it no matter who I ask, here and elsewhere. Which leads me to believe the answer is “We don’t know either.”
Sorry alby. That screed of mine wasnt directed at you, it was pointed at nemski/pandora. The idea that stating 53% of women voted for drumpf is somehow a “betrayal of the cause” or “advancing the patriarchy” is an easy way out for people who dont want to really fathom what it really means. I dont know why they voted against their own self interests. Maybe they hate POCs more than they are about their own rights. Maybe their religion (drug addiction) has convinced them it’s the right thing to do and they not only own their CHOICE, but happily make it. Im willing to listen, unless whats being said is “NO YOU CANT TALK ABOUT THAT”.
The women who vote for the GOP are absolutely to blame. Not just for a patriarchal society, but the oligarchy in which we now live, for the racist reality in which we live, and for the unfathomable darkness to come.
Look I’m not going to pretend to understand what a woman or anyone thinks for that matter. Also, I’m not going to have the temerity to say that women should be one issue voters. I know plenty of women who are forced-birthers and many discussions with them about abortion do not end well. Having discussions with people that comes from an “I know better” place don’t really work – in my experience. Do I want to end friendships over this? No.
Bringing up people like DeVos is like me trying to explain David Clark vs Black Lives Matter. A better example and more pertinent would ask me to explain away Steve Bannon since you know since I am a white male.
But the point of the post is that women bear the brunt of birth control laws and for men on that comment on this blog to say it is women’s fault is beyond pale. (And not all did say this.)
I swear the comment section here is like having a holiday meal with my racist uncle, but this time he’s a ******.
So I’ve been thinking about the question Alby asked. It’s worth exploring and I appreciate that you asked constructively. I think understanding why white women voted against their interests is as important as understanding why many in rural America did.
I’m struggling for a coherent way to frame this and I really feel like there is no way this doesn’t ultimately backfire, but in the interest of trying to understand how we ended up here and trying to make sure it’s only for 4 years maybe a conversation like this can help.
I dont speak for al women or all white women or really anyone but me. But when I was thinking about why *i* might be driven to vote for someone who promised to make my life harder I had a thought. For *me* it would be because look at how supposedly progressive men talk about women. Victims or villains and ultimately responsible for everything that happens in the world. Eve’s in every sense of the word. Women are blamed for trump. Yes, 53% of white women voted for trump, but what percentage of white men did? Over 60%. And yet it’s the women we condemn? (color me shocked) when we saw how middle America voted we were like “what can we do to reach them?” When we saw how white women voted they were traitors (and they were) but we weren’t interested in how to scoop them back in.
So if the people on the right shit on us and the people who are supposed to be on our side also shit on us why wouldn’t I vote for the person shitting on me who also said “yeah, I’ll fuck you every way possible but you’ll get a tax break.” If I’m going to be a whore no matter what, why wouldn’t I be the whore for someone who promises me more–no matter how empty those promises are.
Is it self-destructive? Yup. But sometimes you just want everyone to suffer with you.
“it would be because look at how supposedly progressive men talk about women.”
What are some of your favorite quotes?
This sums it up:
“For *me* it would be because look at how supposedly progressive men talk about women. Victims or villains and ultimately responsible for everything that happens in the world. Eve’s in every sense of the word. Women are blamed for trump. Yes, 53% of white women voted for trump, but what percentage of white men did? Over 60%. And yet it’s the women we condemn? (color me shocked) when we saw how middle America voted we were like “what can we do to reach them?” When we saw how white women voted they were traitors (and they were) but we weren’t interested in how to scoop them back in.”
Some part of it is that people (male people and female people) put their tribal identification above other identifications this time. When you are in tribal mode, and someone IN YOUR TRIBE says “these bad things are going to happen” you naturally think that the bad things are going to happen to someone else.
At lunch today I heard a story about Syrian Christians (who voted for Trump) and are now mad at him about the ban because they have family members that were on the verge of making it out after a 6-year struggle. They didin’t think trump meant them.
@Evey: I’m sorry, I didn’t intend it that way. Yes, white men voted overwhelmingly for Trump, and white women voting for him was not an anomaly — they usually vote Republican.
My question is more like, If they weren’t repelled by a troglodyte like Trump into voting for a woman, what will it take? And, like rural voters, I don’t understand why they vote against their self-interest on women’s issues. Or is it that they’re simply deaf to women’s issues?
i just got here, but is somebody suggesting women who voted for trump are not to be blamed because they’re women? that makes no sense.
@alby the honest answer is I have no idea. Maybe a product of living in an echo chamber. Or like @jason330 suggested they assume that any punitive actions will be for “other people” and it’s not until they actually suffer do they understand. But even then they have an impressive and focused narrative of “news” shifting blame to everyone else. That blame is seductive and powerful. And I don’t know what to do to overcome that on a large scale.
1/24/17 NYT article, Women Who Voted for Trump. Suggested read, if you haven’t already.
I ask men and women all the time that either didn’t vote or voted for Trump, why? Many who didn’t vote, typically under 30, don’t feel that voting matters or that politics actually affect them personally. If those that did vote, many didn’t take his rantings seriously. I mean, they honestly just thought the build a wall, ban Muslims, reverse Obamacare (which they don’t realize is actually the ACA just like they don’t know that Obama phones were actually Reagan’s), limit reproductive rights and so on would actually happen. Or that ***gasp***, I am one of the takers that receives benefits from one or more of these social programs because I have a good,solid reason for needing it and god damn I paid taxes NOT like those OTHER people. Then yes there are the one issue folks, that want economic growth, everything else be damned.
One asks, how could all these women vote for Trump? For the same reason Pro Life women who have had an abortion at their private doctors office or a referral to a trusted colleague of their physician picket Planned Parenthood on a regular. Their circumstances are different than THAT woman who uses abortion as their primary method of birth control or whatever they think. There are many reasons, many irrational.
We can debate it amongst the like-minded or we can do something like get out there protest and talk with others that may not hold the same beliefs. We may not turn all of them over to our side but we may some. If I can convince my mother to be Pro Choice after 65 years, I think I have a decent chance with several more men and women (on other social/health topics as well) if I take the time.
Maybe, just maybe, this is what Every was fucking talking about.
Arkansas fucking voted for Republicans; what did they expect would happen?
@nemski: I am sure it was what she was talking about. But what is there to say about it but yep, sure sucks.
I continued this over at Blue Delaware with Pandora, and I’ll say the same thing here: Yes, we live in a patriarchy. But most people don’t think of it — it’s like a fish’s understanding of water — and pointing it out to people doesn’t move the needle even a tiny bit.
This was one of the most easily forecast outcomes of this election, as these barriers to abortion have been erected at the state level throughout the Obama presidency. It would have been the case if any Republican had won.
In fact, Democrats pretty much ran Clinton’s whole election on this issue — not openly abortion, because reasons — but women’s status as equal members of society. It did not move Democrats to the polls, and it did not spur Republican-leaning women to abandon Trump for Hillary.
In short, all of it is true, but I don’t see how this knowledge helps us move forward. Where to next if appeals to reason and equality don’t work?
If Democrats learn how to appeal to voters on jobs and wages, they will find themselves in the majority again, and thus able to protect reproductive rights. Until then, get used to Republican rule and all that comes with it.
So if you value abortion rights, support Dems who support workers and purge those who don’t. How many corporate Dems are on Emily’s List?
@puck: The Atlantic article I linked to yesterday explained the problem with that: Democrats have traded the blue-collar workers for college-educated managers. That’s why the Philly suburbs, overwhelmingly Republican when I grew up there, is almost totally blue now, while western Pa., like W.Va., has gone Republican.
I don’t disagree with your formula, but recognize that it takes six years for the Senate to turn over. The purge of corporate Democrats, if it even occurs, will take at least that long.
https://www.theatlantic.com/politics/archive/2017/02/trump-house-seats/515223/
Also, @Evey: I’m totally behind your proposed ban on socks with sandals.
” it takes six years for the Senate to turn over.”
But Congresspeople are up every two years, and flipping the House or even close to it would send a strong message to the Senate.
Indeed. We need to flip 24 seats. Check out that link. It’s doable.
The fact is, in the aggregate Americans value their jobs, wages, and standard of living more highly than reproductive rights, racial justice, or gender/LGBTequality. You can rail against that fact, but it’s still true. It’s right out of Maslow’s hierarchy of needs. And Dems keep losing elections because they pretend it’s not true.
For the slower-witted reader, that doesn’t mean “throw reproductive rights, racial justice, and gender/LGBT equality under the bus.” It means appeal to voters on jobs and wages so we can WIN and gain control over all those other issues.
Now if, for example, hypothetical Democrats started emerging who were great on jobs but horrible on civil or reproductive rights, I’d probably oppose them. But I don’t know many if any Democrats like that.
@puck: My point is that almost all Democrats currently in office will have to be retrained or replaced, and I don’t think retraining is a realistic option. Chris Coons, Tom Carper, John Carney — they are squishy to the core, and their half-hearted support isn’t going to get the job done.
How damning is it that Coons and Carper are the only two Democrats wavering on Gorsuch who aren’t doing so because they face re-election?
Well, true, but this is the uterus thread.
Senate NSC taking calls on Bannon 202-224-4751. After your Devos call, make sure they hear from us.