Gawker Answers Jason330′s Super Bowl Team Question

Filed in National by on January 31, 2014

In fact, I think they kinda copied Jason. Thus, as a lawyer, I will be preparing a lawsuit against Nick Denton’s multi million dollar enterprise forthwith. On Jason’s behalf of course. Jason, my cut is 33%. Here is what Jason said 11 days ago:

Okay. Wild Horse vs. Bird – A battle royal of spirit animals. Let’s break it down.

A Bronco is a wild horse or one that habitually bucks. A “Seahawk” is a colloquially term for an Osprey. The Osprey is a raptor, so it passes the first test of birds in fights (or Superbowls) – it has talons. Not only does it have talons, but it has four talons. When in flight, 3 of these toes face forward, and one backwards. When clutching prey, one talon swivels to face the rear. The upshot is that once it grabs something, the seahawk isn’t letting go.

Meanwhile, the bronco’s key (and let’s face it) only real strength is getting things off its back. That’s not much a strength, but it is one that seems uniquely suited to cancelling the sea hawks grabby/clutchy strength. So we have to go to second level strengths.

The Osprey lives everywhere except Antarctica. It is so well adapted to life on earth that there is only essentially one type of Osprey – the Osprey. The bronco has no second level strength, in fact all so-called “wild” horses really only want to be saddled and ridden. Consider the fact that all north American horses are descended from domesticated horses. They are the offspring of a millennium of breading for cooperation and acquiescence.

While some broncos have bad attitudes and appear to be wild, even the most bad-ass bronco is waiting for Robert Redford to enter the paddock and make it simmer down by being quiet and allowing the horses tame cooperative nature to inevitably emerge. In a grueling back and forth war of attrition the seahawk will prevail.

Here is Gawker’s take:

Gawker

“So, talons, beaks, flight, and the full support of the scientific establishment of their home state? We’re prepared to call it: Seahawks.”

Gawker, like Jason, initially found the matchup to be a draw, until digging deeper. Gawker went to the trouble to ask actual experts, who went with the Seahawks. Jason just went to his store of superior knowledge of the animal kingdom, and likewise found the Seahawk superior. 11 days ago. Gawker, we await your checks. Thank you.

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Comments (4)

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  1. Jason330 says:

    Cool. You can have 50%. I’ll be setting up an account in the Cayman Islands, you can wire my proceeds there.

  2. Camptown Lady says:

    If the Seahawks win;

    Seahawks Soar, Rip Broncos 35-17

    If the Broncos win;

    Broncos Stampede, Trample Seahawks 35-17

  3. jason330 says:

    Now that’s the work of an experienced football predictor.

  4. Jason330 says:

    *drops mic*.

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