The Fat Blustery Guy Blusters

Filed in National by on February 7, 2013

I get why New Jersians like the fat blustery guy routine. In an age of stiff, over-programmed, cyborgs like John Carney and Tom Carper moving stiffly and guardedly across the public stage, the fat blustery guy is a breath of fresh air. Like a bowl of chocolate chip mint ice-cream after nothing but white bread toast and saltines.

Nevertheless, you can’t bluster away facts. The fat man is more likely to have a stroke. The fat man is more likely to drop dead of a heart attack. The fat man is driving up your health insurance rates with his undisciplined, devil-may-care approach to the buffet table.

Just as we know that “cutting taxes on business” has never helped the economy – the fat bluster guy should never be mistaken for a healthy person. Facts are facts.

About the Author ()

Jason330 is a deep cover double agent working for the GOP. Don't tell anybody.

Comments (39)

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  1. puck says:

    Christie is 50 years old. You don’t see many 60-year old guys that size. Just saying.

  2. Dave says:

    And if he enters the campaign, it will be even more important to see who his running mate is. Remember you wouldn’t need Christie for more than 4 or 8 years. If he doesn’t make 60, we have a state funeral and move on. Longevity is not a critical parameter. Long enough to finish his term is all that is necessary (and cheaper also considering the post-term costs for each president).

  3. jason330 says:

    Logan’s Run, but for fatties.

  4. socialistic ben says:

    Why is it considered over-the-line to bring up Carper’s alleged health problems? IOKIIAR?
    Also… Presidents Cleavland and Taft.

  5. Jason330 says:

    That thumbnail pic is killing me. Thank you Thumbnailer !!

  6. bamboozer says:

    Christie is enormous, take a look at his profile without a suit jacket on. He’s morbidly obese, his size threatens his life. But I also see what New Jersey likes about Christie, I suspect he’s dramatically honest compared to Carper and Carney as well.

  7. Jason330 says:

    Hashtag – show me the honey (glazed barbeque ribs)

  8. socialistic ben says:

    Good thing the name is Christine Christie. Otherwise you’d have the “how dare you make fun of a woman for being fat! her body shouldn’t matter” police on ya. ahh standards.

  9. SussexAnon says:

    Please apply the “just look at him” approach to health when you look at President Obama. He is/was a smoker. He also drinks alchohol. Both unhealthy choices, so we should naturally dismiss everything he has ever said or done because he can’t make resposible life choices and he will undoubtedly die an early death.

    Just look at ‘im, he’s a disgusting smoker. The same goes for the next “drinking liberally” event you attend. Alchoholics, the lot of them.

    Sounds pretty ignorant, doesnt it? Yes. It does.

  10. SussexAnon says:

    Well, Ben, a persons body shouldn’t matter. Or is that not part of the “Liberal accept other lifestyles” (but the fat guy) approach to society?

  11. Jason330 says:

    SussexAnon, seriously though. Just look at the guy.

  12. V says:

    I think Christie is a huge asshole.

    That being said, this thread is mean and embarassing. We’re better than this.

  13. socialistic ben says:

    you got it, SA
    I kind of have a twisted admiration for Christie’s ownership of his obesity. I got made fun of… a lot… for bein’ a fatty in middle school and I kind of developed a prejudice for fat bodies (mostly my own, now I’ve grown up and wait to get to know someone before i hate them) Mind you, I wasn’t as overweight as he is, and I’m much healthier now… but good for him for being able to hit right back at the bullies.
    But I guess there are no fat liberals, so it’s fine.
    #Rosie O’donnel #Micheal Moore

  14. Geezer says:

    “He is/was a smoker. He also drinks alchohol. Both unhealthy choices”

    Alcohol consumption is actually good for your health, up to a point. The dose makes the poison.

  15. SussexAnon says:

    Seriously Jason, “just look at the guy” Is a pretty ignorant approach to anyone.

    We hear it all the time from the right, it shouldn’t happen on the left. He/she is gay, black, or so ethnic, etc. (you know what that means, nudge nudge wink wink)

    I don’t need to know what Christie looks like to know I disagree with him and his policies. The same goes for Rush Limbaugh, whatever his weight happens to be this week.

    “Judging a man by the content of his character” is about a whole lot more than skin color.

    Yeah alchohol consumption is good for your health like other things “up to a point”. But since we can’t actually SEE if a person is overconsuming (unlike fat people) you should be equally vigilant in pointing out they, too, are unhealthy and unworthy of any respect and utterly dismissive of anything they say. Ever. Right? Or would that be ignorant?

    I had a friend who was 475 lbs and lived to the not so ripe old age of 63. Did he die of the obvious? heart attack? nope. Stroke? nope. Kidney failure? Wrong again. He died of liver failure because he was an alchoholic and no one suspected because no one ever saw him drink more than a cocktail at dinner.

  16. Jason330 says:

    I get why New Jersians like the fat blustery guy routine. I do. I’m just saying, let’s keep it real. This is yet another instance of Republicans wanting their own personal reality. I’m done with that.

  17. socialistic ben says:

    I get why (women) like the (strong willed woman) routine. I do. I’m just saying, let’s keep it real. This is yet another instance of (democrats) wanting their own personal reality. I’m done with that.

  18. Jason330 says:

    That comparison makes no sense.

  19. V says:

    I know several people who are overweight who have normal levels of cholesterol and normal blood pressure. Will it always stay that way? Maybe not. Is it normal? No. Would it be a good idea to try and lose a little weight anyway? Sure. But being overweight and having healthy levels actually is a thing.

    I resent Jason330 for making me argue on behalf of such a jerk. We have SO MUCH we can attack on that’s valid. Lets be grownups.

  20. SussexAnon says:

    Jason, drop the “fat” in blustery guy routine and I am right there with you. Its just as ignorant as, say, “I like that half-black-kenyan-secret-muslim-smokers-came-from-a-broken-home-raised-by-grandparents-in-barely-a-state-of-this-nation” approach to foreign policy.” ifyaknowwhatimean nudgenudewinkwink

  21. Tom Hawk says:

    Snarky question: Can Christie see his crotch without the use of a mirror?

    He does seem to be on top of the Hurricane Sandy repairs to the benefit of the residents.

  22. Jason330 says:

    Christie moronically breathed new life into this story by calling the Dr. and chewing her out.

    A Republican, Dr. Mariano said she was previously a Christie fan. Now, however, she said he’s probably lost her support down the road.

    “The way he acted lately I don’t think so. He wasn’t very nice to me,” Mariano said. “Politically if this is the way [he handles] stress… is this presidential? I’ll have to think about that. Is this a presidential way to behave? C’mon.”

  23. SussexAnon says:

    BREAKING: Stupid Dr. pokes bear, bear (with a history of biting back) bites back. Shocker.

    It is a breath of fresh air for a public official to be honest and forthright to an idiot. And thats probably a big reason why NJ loves him.

  24. Jason330 says:

    So, basically everybody needs to just shut up. Christie should take his own advice.

  25. Roland D. Lebay says:


    What exactly is “stupid” about the doctor’s behavior? What makes her an “idiot” in your mind? A jerk, perhaps…but she’s right and he knows it and THAT’s why he “bit back”.

  26. I think things rose to another level with him when his kid came up to him, after seeing the news about what the lady doctor said, and asked his father if he was going to die.

  27. kavips says:

    i think an inflated Christie will take some getting used to. i remember his debut at the conventions was “marshmellowly” at best and to be honest, his appearance and the brain mulling over whether they were using a wide angle lens or not, took one’s focus away from what he was saying… After his speech, when the camera pans from behind and we got the “full” view, I think most of us laughed at loud and said no way…

    I think treating a chief executive is different from treating an ordinary person. If he were an ordinary person I would pray for Christie and then leave him alone. There are so many medical variables causing obesity, that for me to make assumptions is simply pointless. On a personal level, as some above have suggested, it is best just look through the eyes into their soul inside. Inside everyone is the same.

    But,… Over half of America is seriously obese. To have the head of the nation say, “don’t worry about it, eat what you want”, will do nothing to lower the 17% of GDP spent on healthcare. Just imagine if we could invest 10% of that into other things…Every other civilized nation does! Likewise, saying “do as I say, not as I do”, inflates any message to live healthy, beyond belief.

    Last fall it was a third, and I’ve seen new research data that puts it now at half. It is so new it is still controversial. If true, half of us carry a gene that kicks in once we become obese, giving us Type II diabetes. Luckily, half of us don’t have it. If that first half prone to Type II diabetes doesn’t become obese, they keep producing insulin naturally. These statistics just started showing a huge jump coming off the first decade of this century. Particularly children maturing in the past decade show a gigantic rate jump in obesity, and without change they will seriously impact our health care system when they get older…

    Furthermore, even though Americans may get used to the idea of someone from the Grand Ole Party being really grand, the image it sends of our nation across the world will be of scorn….

    The best thing that could ever happen, would over the next four years for Christie to tone down, physically. To exercise, diet, and work out. Then to have a candidate for chief executive say “I did it, it was hard, now I need all of you to do it for America”, could be what saves our country from suddenly “dying off”…

    Because losing that much weight,is hard! Hell, losing just 10 lbs is hard. It takes a greater moral compass, greater discipline, and is a far better judge of character, than say leading an Allied army across Europe. That is easy in comparison.

    Bottom line. Talking about Christie’s presidential run, without talking about our national plague of obesity, and Type II diabetes, is like describing the Titanic’s maiden voyage without discussing icebergs….

  28. jason330 says:

    I agree. Christie has three choices. A) Get in shape. B) Own his problem and shut up about it, or C) lash out crazily at modern medicine and reality. He seems to have picked the least productive of the three.

  29. geezer says:

    kavips: It seems you’re saying that a person’s weight is a function of his or her character.

    I have a different take: In a nation where half the people are obese, why shouldn’t an obese person be president? If the numbers you quote are accurate, he already represents half the population.

  30. Roland D. LeBay says:

    @Nancy Willing-

    I’m not sure I buy that line about his 12yr. old kid asking him if he was going to die, but let’s assume it’s true.

    The only honest answer is “yes, someday”. We’re all going to die of something at some point in time. Our children ask us uncomfortable questions all the time. Christie is a politician. He ought to be able to answer his own child’s question w/o going on TV & crying about it.

  31. @RDL The question was provoked by a publicity-seeking loudmouth. It scared his kid unnecessarily. There is only so much information to be garnered by looking at photographs of someone’s girth. There are plenty of very healthy obese people out there, not at death’s door – which is not to say obesity is not a growing, worldwide, out of control potential health problem. A very fat President Taft not only served as the leader of the free world but went on to serve as Chief Justice.

    I will admit to occasionally watching Oprah’s new interview series (Steve Colbert, LLCoolJ, Drew Barrymore, Lady Gaga and Gov. Christie) and found Christie’s family irresistible.

  32. Roland D. LeBay says:

    Nancy, Christie himself is a “publicity-seeking loudmouth” who trotted out his child in an attempt to make the doctor look bad.

    I don’t like Christie because he’s a bully and a jerk and his politics run contrary to mine. I couldn’t care less about his weight and I have not commented on it.

  33. anonymous says:

    Christie’s “healthiest fat guy” plan backfired.

    Two republican traits spun into an oily ball of republican lard. No.1) Denying = Lying. No. 2) Misplace the blame on the truth instead.

    One’s eyes don’t lie. They see a man with at least two hundred extra pounds of fat under his thin skin and chin. One’s ears heard it correctly. He’s angry about the medical truth regarding the dangers of morbid obesity. Christie blames the doctor for his ‘weight’ concerns. She could have stated the facts, generally.

    Fact is, Christie was out manufacturing his own ‘republican reality’ via The Late Night Show.

    Christie stated, “I’m basically the healthiest fat guy you’ve ever seen in your life. Call it crazy. Absolutely crazy.” End quote.

    Yeah, I’ll call it crazy = republican crazy, crazy like republican climate change, rising sea levels, crazy like tobacco and cancer, mercury poisoning, DDT, gun crazy, sugar and obesity, no evolution, less education, legitimate rape crazy.

    But what about the part where Christie contradicts himself: “My doctor continues to warn me my luck is going to run out relatively soon.” His family isn’t frightened by his own doctor’s medical opinion? Ops, didn’t mean to let that fat out of the bag.

    GOP, Grossly Obese Person, claiming to be “the healthiest fat guy you’ve ever seen in your life.” wants the thin guy’s job and he doesn’t want medical science to stand in the way of the big refrigerator at the White House.

    Like anthropogenic CO2, melting polar ice, his weight is ‘out of control.’ Republicans prove time and again, denial can be morbidly dangerous. His family has never heard the thousands of comments about his weight before? Of course they’ve heard them all plus they see him every day. Would Christie pretend to laugh it up, if his child were 100 lbs over weight? Does he think being the butt end of thousands of ‘fat jokes,’ even his own, is preferable to the reality of controlling his own weight? That Christie chooses to remain morbidly obese, is ‘his’ problem. Should it be the nation’s problem? Does Christie’s doctor, not tell him to loose weight? (That might frighten the Christies.) Truth scary; pretend reality – much more scary.

    First thing is the weigh in. All good doctors will tell their patient right away if they put on a few pounds – keep it up at that rate and you’ll soon be obese and he’ll look you in the eye and list the health problems linked to obesity.You don’t want to be obese. “Lose it.” Would Christie’s doctor tell him he’s the Poster Fat Boy of Healthiness?” Keep up the good work? No. No. 1) Christie’s denying – lying.

    No. 2) the blame game. Now he blames a reality based doctor for frightening his son, when it is Christie ‘himself,’ who chooses to be the frighteningly obese father masquerading as ‘the healthiest fat guy.’ What can one think of a man who would use his kid as ‘his’ excuse on national TV no less? Don’t think much of it – not good, not healthy. If a kid knew enough, he would say look, this is ‘your’ weight problem – leave me out of this. And by the way, stop eating so much. Exercise.

    In a republican mind, greed is good; obese is healthy; more CO2 is fine; pollution is good. Medical opinions are the work of hacks. Minorities bad; woman Doctor, bad; scientific studies bad; education is bad; equal pay, bad; the fat white republican guy – is “the healthiest fat guy you’ve ever seen in your life.” Oh please, what’s next? The obese ‘issue voters’ waving XXXL gotchies and flags at town hall meetings? Down with S, M, L – they’re starving communists I tell ya!

    When a republican is denying, he’s lying. Then apply the old republican trick called – turn the tables. Up is down; right is wrong; lies are the truth; it’s the lefties fault; hazardous waste is a beneficial by-product; nature is bad; greedier is better; republicans are conservative; the woman hack doctor should shut up; the 200 extra lbs of fat under Christie’s thin skin is the healthiest fat you’ve ever seen in your life. “Call it crazy, absolutely crazy.” Right, republican crazy it is.

    Christie can afford a personal dietitian, the tastiest, healthiest foods, prepared and served him. He can have a personal trainer, gym, the best doctors or he can shove donuts in his mouth. His children can watch him, hear him, learn from his lead daily. Instead he expresses his anger in (and at) the public as he ignores his own best interests, choosing instead to live as a morbidly obese man. If that’s want he wants, fine, his choice; but why come on national TV and lie. Well, because he’s a republican, who wants to be President. So therefore, he’s “the healthiest fat guy you’ve ever seen in your life.” Right? No, he’s a fifty year old man who is somewhere around 400 lbs, carrying 200 pounds of extra fat around 24/7 and he’s eyeing the most important job, the most stressful job, in the world, the future of all generations, and he knows, people will think that could be a problem. Heck, lies denying global warming worked for twenty years. How about some ‘personal’ denial. Hhmm.

    Nothing has changed. Never believe a republican and never vote republican. Reduce the fat of the land, because ‘republican crazy’ is a topsy turvie world of – rich are struggling; clean is too costly; wrong is right; morbid is healthy. Christie’s self anger exploded at the good Doctor. (Her sound advice is appreciated by reality based Americans. Thank you doctor.) The Doctor however, punctured Christie’s ‘healthiest fat man” TV sshhppeel with a touch of reality. Ssspllaat. Christie angry. Gggrrr. Shut up woman! “This is just another hack who wants five minutes on TV,” says Christie.

    He claims his son’s fear was the result of an attention craving hack. Except, except…hello, Christie is the cause of fear as well as being the attention craving hack. Christie is more interested in not having people believe their own eyes and ears but believe instead, that Super Sized Christie ( = ) “the healthiest fat guy you’ve ever seen in your life” – and that his thin skin pretend jolly self, is medically, emotionally, psychologically, physically fit to be President of the United States.

    Not a month into office and the clown wagons are circling.

    The question is, did Christie succeed in presenting his “healthiest fat guy” self, as presidential?

    No. Just republican crazy. Absolutely.

  34. Jason330 says:


  35. Dave says:

    Wow! A treatise! It should have been entitled “Christie is Fat And It Has Got Me In Such A Bother”

  36. geezer says:

    So let me get this straight: The taxpayers of New Jersey should foot the bill for Chris Christie to lose weight? That’s my takeaway, because you claim “he can afford” a bunch of stuff that I don’t think he can actually afford on his own dime.

    Beyond that, I find it interesting that we now have two people who are criticizing Christie’s weight as some sort of failure of character.

    You know what? It’s none of anybody’s business. I can’t think of another physical characteristic that would invite such public speculation about his ability to be governor or president. He deals with the constant questions only because we as a society are too rude to act better. That he sometimes screws up on it, as in this case, should be expected, because there is no right answer to “Why are you so fat?”

    If you think he’s too high a health risk, don’t vote for him. But I don’t think the focus on his weight is about him at all. I think it’s the object of fascination for an American society that has a worrisome obsession with the human body — especially as opposed to the human mind — even as society as a whole gets fatter.

    What makes Christie objectionable isn’t his weight. If he lost 200 pounds, as anonymous claims he should, would that suddenly make him a man of tremendous character who deserves your vote? Well, there’s an easy litmus test for that one: Mike Huckabee. Do you admire Mike Huckabee for turning into a normal-weight Bible-thumper, when previously he was an overweight Bible-thumper? I’m gonna go ahead and guess “No.”

    If a president dies in office, so what? We cover that contingency with a VP. Anyone with a rudimentary knowledge of American history should realize that the major health impediment for sitting presidents is assassination. We’ve lost far more presidents to little chunks of lead than to any and all disease vectors.

    On the other hand, if you just want to rail against fat people, carry on.

  37. citydems says:

    William Taft- reincarnate?