Things You Can Say to Anger Republicans

Filed in National by on January 17, 2013

This is too good not to pass on mostly in full. Some of them were kinda lame, so I left those out.

Conservatives are so easy to anger these days. Even the most insignificant statement can set off their tempers. If you want to enrage a conservative, I suggest saying the following:

1. A Socialist wrote the Pledge of Allegiance.
2. Jesus healed the sick and helped the poor, for free.
3. Joseph McCarthy was an un-American, witch hunting sissy.
4. Jefferson Davis and Robert E. Lee were traitors.
5. The South lost the Civil War, get over it.
6. The Founding Fathers were liberals.
7. Fascism is a right-wing trait.
8. Sarah Palin is an idiot.
9. The Earth is round.
10. Reagan raised taxes eleven times as President.
11. Reagan legalized abortion as Governor of California.
12. Nixon created the Environmental Protection Agency.
13. Ronald Reagan supported gun control.
14. Global warming is real.
15. Republicans hate illegal immigrants, unless they need their lawns mowed or their houses cleaned.
16. The military is a government-run institution.
17. The Cold War is over and the Soviet Union no longer exists.
18. Paying taxes is patriotic.
20. The Republican Party began as a liberal party.
22. George W. Bush held hands with the King of Saudi Arabia.
23. President Obama saved the American auto industry, while Republicans wanted to destroy it.
24. Hate is not a Christian virtue.
25. Jesus was a liberal.
26. Republicans spend MORE money than Democrats.
27. Tea parties are for little girls.
28. Public schools educate all children; private schools are for indoctrinating children.
29. The Constitution is the law, NOT the Bible.
30. Sharia law doesn’t exist in America.
31. The President is NOT a Muslim.
32. Corporations are NOT people. People are people.
33. Fox News is not real news.
34. The Federal Reserve was a Republican idea.
35. Women are equal citizens who deserve equal rights.
36. Women control their own bodies.
37. Abortion is a relevant medical procedure, just ask Rick Santorum.
38. Please use spell-check.
40. Social Security is solvent through 2038.
41. Health care is a right, not a product.
42. Roe v. Wade was a bipartisan ruling made by a conservative leaning Supreme Court.
45. Barack Obama ordered the killing of Osama Bin Laden. It took him two and half years to do what Bush couldn’t do in eight.
46. Waterboarding IS torture.
47. 9/11 happened on George W. Bush’s watch, therefore he did NOT keep America safe.
49. Separation of church and state is in the Constitution, it’s called the First Amendment.
50. Muslims are protected by the Constitution, just as much as Christians.
51. Barack Obama is the first African-American President, get over it.
53. America is a nation of immigrants, therefore we are all anchor babies.
56. Evolution is real.
57. The Earth is 4.54 billion years old, not 6,000.
58. The Founding Fathers did not free the slaves.
61. Federal law trumps state law.
63. Corporations care more about profits than they do about people.
64. Getting out of a recession requires government spending.
65. Glenn Beck is a nut-job.
67. Republicans don’t want to pay for your birth control, but they want you to pay for their Viagra.
68. Republicans actually NEED Viagra.
69. Fox News is owned by an Australian and has a Saudi prince as an investor.
70. Republicans complain about immigrants taking American jobs, then freely give American jobs to foreigners overseas.
71. Republicans hate communism, so why do they refer to themselves as red states?
72. Labor unions built this country.
74. Jesus was a Jew, not a Christian.
75. When Republicans see black, they attack.
76. Inside every Republican is a Klansman or a Nazi waiting to bloom.
77. Republicans only care about children BEFORE they are born.
79. The Christian-Right boycotts movies that have violence, and then promotes guns and insurrection.
81. Republicans that oppose gay marriage are most likely in the closet themselves.
82. Churches should stay out of politics, or be taxed.
84. Democrats think for themselves, Republicans form think tanks to do it for them.
85. Republicans hate education because they couldn’t hack it in school.
86. Greed is one of the seven deadly sins and Republicans wallow in it.
87. A little socialism on the Left is better than a little fascism on the Right.
88. The current corporate tax rate is the lowest in 60 years, so stop whining about it being too high.
91. Republicans have their own terrorists, just look up Timothy McVeigh.
92. Republicans love outsourcing, just ask the Chinese Communists.
93. The Republican answer to the oil spill was to apologize to BP, a foreign oil company.
95. Voter disenfranchisement is immoral and un-American, that’s why Republicans do it.
96. Republicans would let your house burn down unless you pay them to put it out.
99. Republicans think rape isn’t a crime, but miscarriages are.

Bottom line? If you want to anger a conservative, tell them the truth.

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  1. What Angers Republicans? | Bridging the Gap | January 17, 2013
  1. socialistic ben says:

    I was thinkin…. the republican party DID start out as a liberal party. They basically got hijacked by the southern white supremacists who were still upset about losing their slaves (even 100 years later).
    People get defensive when you attack their group. It’s a human trait. Even a non-bigot who has been a republican since long before the Teaparty… or even the Newtparty (which sounds much less appetizing) would tent to defend (probably) his club that he belongs to.
    I think instead, we should, through how we talk about the issue, give these reasonable republicans a way out. Talk about how this great party of Lincoln and equality and peace has been attacked by un-American Confederates. There has to be a republican party. Liberals need a nemesis. It is also healthy for the nation.

    All people want is a little dignity. While i dont happen to think the Rand Pauls and Louie Gomerts have anyone to blame but themselves for their total lack of it, I also dont think most non-office holder or TV show “republicans” are like those people. I think most of em are Olympia Snowe or Chuck Hagel.

  2. Tom McKenney says:

    I believe the Republican party changed when it became the party of Taft not the party of T.
    Roosevelt

    The problem with telling most conservatives the truth is that they will swear you are lying. They suffer from an intellectual laziness, just watch Fox news and you don’t have to think or do any research.

  3. pandora says:

    This is sad and funny at the same time.

  4. Michelle M says:

    I agreed with everything until I got to #28. Public school did nothing for me.

  5. V says:

    I got a great public school education here in Delaware.

  6. Jason330 says:

    So did I. And my children are getting a first rate public school education.

  7. pandora says:

    No complaints with mine, and I’m thrilled with my kids’ public school education.

  8. Robert Keesler says:

    Some of these are true but most are false. For example the founders were not liberals as we understand the term. Liberal refers to the political philosophy of liberalism that focuses on limited government that secures peace and stability for prosperity and personal liberty. (to learn more read Mises’ book titled Liberalism) The term was hijacked and used most often in the 60′s and 70′s to rebrand the democratic party. Interestingly the democratic party was more of what we now term to be conservative up until Bryan and the populist takeover during the Progressive Era. The Republican Party was always the party of strong central government since it was taken over by Henry Clay’s and Lincoln’s Whig Party philosophy.

  9. socialistic ben says:

    The “founding fathers” weren’t “liberal” or “conservative”. People invoke “them” as if they were all the same political party and all had the same ideas. Guys like Sam Addams were straight up Teabaggers. You had outright hypocrites like Jefferson, puritanical men of the law like John Addams, Wealthy anti-tax businessmen (Hancock) and drunk philanderers (Franklin).
    Let’s stop comparing these guys to our political ideologies today. Every last one of them would be demonized by every possible direction if they were alive and running for office today.

  10. SussexAnon says:

    “And this July 4th don’t forget this nation was founded on rich white slave owners who didn’t want to pay their taxes.”

    I think that was in “Dazed and Confused”

    Drunk philanderer is not a political leaning.

    The founding fathers were “liberal” in that they wanted change from the status quo.

  11. Steve Newton says:

    Let’s stop comparing these guys to our political ideologies today. Every last one of them would be demonized by every possible direction if they were alive and running for office today.

    Not true! I wholeheartedly believe Aaron Burr would have a very successful political career today.

  12. Robert Keesler says:

    @socialistic Ben:
    You are correct, however close to all of them if not all subscribed to the core principles of liberalism (which we now term classic liberalism). Where they differed was on how to implement that philosophy through government. It is true their actions contradicted what they preached (Wahington violated the Constitution during the Whiskey Rebellion). Their knowledge and understanding of history was vastly superior to the average modern American. They were aristocrats, therefore they had an excess of time to study history and gain a deep perspective of what works and doesn’t and why. There is a book called the Founders Guide to the Constitution where a professor objectively examines their arguments back and forth through their letters, publications, and the ratifying conventions. If you enjoy history you should read that book it was great at analyzing their discussions.

  13. Tom McKenney says:

    You can’t deal with crazy with facts. I like to tell them John Wayne was gay and died when he got aids from Rock Hudson. That makes their heads spin. Might as well out crazy them

  14. occam says:

    OMG THIS SHIT IS FUNNY!
    I give you credit for coming up with a list which is “true” HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. While I can’t take the time for all of these points:
    1. Bellamy was a Christian Socialist, meaning he believed aspects of socialism of sharing and equality were consisten with the teachings of Jesus (who is supposed to be the son of God, forgotten at the DNC convention). He also was not fond of open borders amnesty.
    2. Jesus did not demand redistribution of the wealth, only that one must “render to Caesar what is Caesar’s and to God what is God’s (forgotten at the DNC Convention) (and I am not Christian btw). He also didn’t demand free healthcare and education for all. Also, liberal? Maybe, but without Jesus here, who knows what he’d think?
    6. Founding Fathers were more like libertarians than liberals, except that in the 18th century a liberal was closer to a libertarian (think Ayn Rand) than the socialist bunch you Delaware liberal types are.
    7. Faschism is left-wing: right wing means more religious types, as opposed to state secularism of the faschist and Nazi government (nazi was an acronym for National Socialist Workers Party), but I doubt you knew that.
    12. Nixon did create the EPA, but it was not created for treehuggers to punish air quality. It was created as a means for Nixon to reach a deal with liberal Democrats and Republicans which called for dealing with air quality issues that were a problem then. While I agree the government should continue to spend money to keep quality high, the fact is the states could do just as good a job and thus we don’t need a federal EPA. Also, I thought you guys were no Nixon fans (although he was fairly big-government)
    16. The military is in the constitution. Free birth control paid for by “the rich” is not.
    17. Cold War is over, but Putin is still creepy.
    18. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
    20. The main purpose of the GOP in the 1850s was to counter the pro-slavery movement of the Democrat Party, although then the Republicans were more liberal than now, this is true.
    22. You skipped 21, but yes that was an issue with Bush.
    23. Obama did NOT save the Auto Industry…first off, the first TARP Bailout was under Bush (whom you hate so much). Second, Obama screwed over the non-union workers at the Delphi Plant in Ohio. Third, GM lost a lot of money last month when the government sold its share, money which was taken from the public treasury and not spent on other projects. Meaning, even if someone’s job was temporarily saved by the bailouts, someone else could have used the money to say, fix the bridges and schools.
    28. I assume you guys are all teachers working in public schools, this comment was so illogical answering it beyond this sentence would be dumb.
    32. Are unions people then? Either both Corporations and unions are, or both are not, people.
    36. If a woman wants to eat what she wants, can she? Or will Michelle’s food police tell her no? What if she wants to smoke cigarettes?
    45. Water Boarding helped us to find bin Laden, despite what you people want to believe. Finding bin Laden wasn’t hard. All Obama did was give the order to go in and get him. The CIA and Navy SEALS were the ones who worked to get him, but pardon me for offending your Messiah-worship.
    47. if 9/11 is Bush’s fault, what about the 1993 World Trade Center Bombing? 11998 Tanzania and Kenya bombings? 2000 USS Cole bombings? All on Clinton’s watch, so I assume we were even less safe in the 90s.
    53, True, but that still does not mean we should open the borders and let everyone in without questions. Past immigrants waited their turn, as do many people now. If those who live here unlawfully wish to obtain citizenship or permanent status, they should be allowed to do so, but should also wait their turn like everyone else.
    71. Look at a Youtube video of the 1980 and 1984 election. Reagan was winning “blue states” and Carter/Mondale “red states”. That changes in the late 80s when the TV networks opted to make the change. Why? You figure it out.
    76. Given that I am neither Christian nor White, I guess I ought to take that sheet off my head and drop the Mein Kampf copies I have.
    84. Like Media Matters, Greenpeace, Color of Change, the Brookings Institute, Center for American Progress, etc. etc.?

    all right I’m bored, don’t feel like reading this site anymore. Ciao homies.

  15. Jason330 says:

    You are rubber, liberals are glue. Got it. Thanks for that insight.

  16. geezer says:

    Doesn’t occam’s response prove the premise of the post?

  17. Joanne Christian says:

    I’m just glad you labeled this list as “conservatives” and not Republicans. But then you started filtering thru Republicans and Democrats. So I guess it must really annoy you to CREDIT Republicans with:

    ) Legalizing abortion in California
    2) Supporting gun control early on
    3) Nixon created the EPA
    4) Roe vs. Wade outcome
    5) End to slavery prior to readmitting the Southern States (Democrat vote death) back into the Union for passage
    6) Voting rights for women
    7) Initiating sexual harrassment legislation in the workplace
    8) You actually promoted George Wallace as a serious presidential contender

    Really, I LOVE this site–but I guess my beef is I want progressive all around as summaried from both sides, and not the pigeon-holing of Republican and Democrat. We all have our wins and we all have our shame. But in the end, I want progression, and not unchecked, reckless abandon.

  18. geezer says:

    “So I guess it must really annoy you to CREDIT Republicans”

    No, we regret that Republicans lost their minds from over-exposure to conservatives.

  19. Jason330 says:

    I pine for a return to the days when the Republican party is represented by sober, level-headed, community spirited people like JC, and not by Fox News junkies like occam.

  20. Dave says:

    I would just be happy if they were not such an embarassment to the nation. In a two party system, which is visible throughout the entire world, the GOP represents America and American democracy.

    They’ve become like the crazy uncle some families have,who are marginally acceptable in family gatherings but no one wants them out in public.

  21. cassandra m says:

    If you look at Joanne’s list — and it is a good one — there is not one thing on that list that the current iteration of the GOP would even support. So I’m wondering why there should be credit for great ideas/policy that have no home in the current GOP.

  22. dem dementia says:

    obama is a chump

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