Conservatives Are “Gonna Get Medieval On Your Ass”

Filed in National by on December 7, 2012

Attention, True Patriots,

Are you tired of living among liberals?  Do you believe the collapse of the USA will happen any day and you’ll be trapped in your cul de sac, unable to maneuver you SUV around all the “hungry, diseased souls” who will try to steal your liberty?  Can you prove you can shoot a gun, and would like to live in a castle where everyone 13 and older is armed?  Do you not only long for the good old days, but the really awesome Medieval days?  If so, there’s a place for you!

Any second now there will be zombies and tidal waves and brown people climbing up on your roof and eating your virgin daughter’s brains. What should you do? Where should you go? Why not live out these trying times in a castle in Idaho, surrounded by a loving community of like-minded Patriots? The only rules are that you must prove that you can shoot a gun once a year every year after you turn 13. Oh, and you can’t be “a Liberal.” That’s about it — there’s a preamble about respecting other people, and a mention about submitting to arbitration panels, and roughly 10 rules that have to do with when and under what circumstances you must fire a gun. These rules are written in the Patriot Agreement, which is CLEARLY a supplement to, not a substitute for, the Constitution they love so very very much. It is basically the greatest HOA ever!

You should make time to visit the Citadel site.  Be sure to read the comments – simply priceless.  They are very concerned about the application process and the chance a liberal might slip through.  Right now they are soliciting ideas for application screening:  “Remember, those accepted will be your neighbors in peace, and at your shoulder in combat.” You know, a castle makes sense.  It fits their delusions.

I will never understand the Conservative mindset.  A 12th century castle?  Those wacky romantics!

The Citadel will have between 3,500 and 5,000 households within the walls, with a single gate permitting access. The Citadel is not to be a closed society, instead a refuge for genuine Patriots who wish to live without neighbors who are Liberals and Establishment political ideologues, open for tourists who will be welcomed into our town to visit our planned Firearms Museum, shop in our Town Center, stay in a B&B or hotel while vacationing and exploring the wonderful skiing, hunting and fishing opportunities in the area, and many other attractions we will offer.

If you are a patriotic American who believes in Jefferson’s Rightful Liberty, who believes in the Constitution as written, who believes in the Declaration of Independence, and who wishes to live in a beautiful, secure mountain town that bans Liberals from living among us, consider exploring the Citadel as we evolve and build. If you need to escape your suburban life and the vulnerabilities your family faces, consider the Citadel.

Got that, Liberals?  No room in the castle for you.  Altho… Even without all the gun toting it sounds dangerous.  A single gate?  Is that legal?  What if there’s a fire inside the castle walls?  Will there be enough wells and buckets?

Then there’s the Citadel’s Patriot Agreement:

Preamble: We the People come together in this covenant of our free will and do pledge our lives, our fortunes and our sacred honor to defend one another and Jefferson’s Rightful Liberty, defined as unobstructed action according to our will within limits drawn around us by the equal rights of others.  We further affirm our intent to abide all Constitutional laws of the United States of America and the State of Idaho.

One: Once ratified, this list of conditions may only be altered by unanimous consent of all parties governed by the Agreement,

Two: Every able-bodied Patriot aged 13 and older governed by this Agreement shall annually demonstrate proficiency with the rifle of his choice by hitting a man-sized steel target at 100 yards with open sights at the Citadel range,

Three: Every able-bodied Patriot aged 13 and older governed by this Agreement shall annually demonstrate proficiency with a handgun of choice by hitting a man-sized steel target at 25 yards with open sights at the Citadel range,

Four: Every able-bodied Patriot of age within the Citadel will be armed with one AR15 variant in 5.56mm NATO, at least 5 magazines and 1,000 rounds of ammunition.  The responsibility for providing arms and ammunition shall be the head of household for every member of the household.  Every able-bodied Patriot will be responsible for maintaining a Tactical Go Bag or Muster Kit to satisfy the Minuteman concept.  Details TBD and posted elsewhere,

Five: Every household within the Citadel will remain stocked with sufficient food, water and other preps (to be detailed elsewhere) for every member of the household for a duration of one year,

There’s more, but that’s probably enough paranoia for one post.  Between this nonsense and my recent experience with a 2012er I don’t know whether to laugh or cry.  Oh, and Patriot’s Day will be held on April 19th because… liberty.

There will come a point where these groups will turn their fantasies into reality.  What’s the point of living your entire life on delusions that you will be attacked if that attack never happens?  How long before their in-castle militia shoots a sewer department worker from the battlements.  Seriously, what’s the point of all this preparation if you never get a chance to use it?  Never get a chance to say, “Hark, who goes there?” or “To the battlements!”

And they are more than prepared, they are eager:

Patriots understand that an epic storm is coming to America.

Economic collapse is imminent. Disruptions of Just-in-Time supply lines will lead America into chaos. Violence along racial, ethnic, religious and economic class lines will bring forth famine, disease and a fundamental reset of life in America.

A group of Patriots have decided to build a community off the most likely lines of peril, a bastion of Jefferson’s Rightful Liberty where we may remain safe, warm, healthy and comfortable while American society suffers the inevitable destruction that must accompany the decades of degenerating morality of our Countrymen.

The cornerstone of the Citadel is III Arms Company, an industry to support the first wave of Patriots who will become modern American Pioneers. We will build Fighting Arms and ammunition for Patriots and around us a town will begin to grow. Other revenue streams are already in the works. Our intent is to purchase at least one thousand acres, and construct a walled town of at least one square mile to withstand any potential violence from hungry, diseased Souls.

Gotta love those Christian values!

And did I mention that the castle will be built without a foundation?  They are designing a Coat of Arms, so that should make up for the walls falling over.

Okay, I have to step away from the crazy posts for a while.


About the Author ()

A stay-at-home mom with an obsession for National politics.

Comments (15)

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  1. puck says:

    In the the final Ruby Ridge-style confrontation the FBI and Homeland Security will surround the castle with trebuchets.

  2. Jason330 says:

    Awesome. I love peppering my speech with words like “intel” and I could be around a bunch of like-minded people who prefer, “Romeo, Tango, Baker, Alpha” to actual letters.

    Where do I sign?

  3. puck says:

    There is video of the confrontation at the castle:

  4. pandora says:

    Maybe you’ll even be called m’Lord by some ruddy cheeked boy. The lad might even tug on his forelock.

  5. Jason330 says:

    I hope they build it. The thought of a bunch of wingnuts shooting each other inside a “castle” over some minute point of wignut orthodoxy seems hilarious to me.

  6. ek says:

    5.56 NATO? Sounds kinda commie pinko agenda 21, doesn’t it?

  7. SussexAnon says:

    “The Citadel is not to be a closed society, instead a refuge for genuine Patriots who wish to live without neighbors who are Liberals and ESTABLISHMENT POLITICAL IDEOLOGUES…..”

    One could interrpret that as no Republicans either. Folks like Rush Limbaugh, etc. should not be allowed either.

    This sounds more like a prepper community than simply anti-liberal. I guess preppers are more of a religious philosophy than ideology.

    I agree with ek. How did NATO get into this agreement? Isn’t the proficiency exam a little totalitarian? Will there be house to house searches to verify conformity of the 1 year of food supplies rule?

    This is sounding more and more like a UN plot to lure preppers into one location to monitor them, at first, then close off the one entrance and imprison them. It won’t take much. The walls of the prison will already be built, and they have a years supply of their own food. Fly in the giant dome like The Simpsons movie and the UN will have accomplished Agenda (insert made up number here)

  8. cassandra m says:

    A decent part of their target county is reservation it looks like. Would it be horrible to start a counter effort to provide the tribal residents with small arms and light weapons for a little historical payback?

  9. Geezer says:

    I like the part about “disruptions” in the “just-in-time supply line” leading to “chaos.” Yeah, if WalMart runs out of big-screen TVs, just like it does every Black Friday.

    I say we dump LSD in their water supply.

  10. mediawatch says:

    Give ’em Montana and see if anyone cares.

  11. cassandra m says:

    I like the part about “disruptions” in the “just-in-time supply line” leading to “chaos.”

    And this is from people who aspire to an industrial gun manufacturing operation.

  12. Geezer says:

    Cass: Good point. Maybe someone already dumped the LSD in their water supply.

  13. puck says:

    What do you want to bet this thing will be run by a charismatic leader with a harem. I think it’s just a way to get chicks.

  14. Dana Garrett says:

    Castles? Don’t make me laugh! Don’t these morons know that thanks to Barack Obama we liberal atheist socialist Muslims have drones?

  15. X Stryker says:

    They’d better build those walls pretty thick if they intend to protect themselves from ideas.