Ask Dr. Liberal – “I’ve Fallen and I can’t get up.”
Dear Dr. Liberal.
A few years ago, I fell down in a well and no one has come to rescue me yet. Damn that Lassie. But as I contemplate my existence in the bottom of the well, I got to thinking about politics and how my current situation mirrors many on the far left. So, I’ve got to wondering, you know since I’m stuck in this well and all, has anyone come to the rescue of the far left? Did anyone primary Obama? Kucinich? What’s Nader up to? I guess it comes down to this: Who is the far left going to vote for in November so that they can get their pony in January?
Awfully Lonely,
Little Timmy
Stuck in a Well, Delaware
Dear Timmy,
Your timing is off. Ever since Floyd Collins captivated the nation by falling into a cave in 1925, Americans have had a huge woody for these types of stories every 25 years or so. There was Kathy Fiscus who fell into a well in 1949, Baby Jessica in 1986 and the Chilean miners just two years ago in 2010. We aren’t due for another mine/well rescue story for another ten years. If you can hold out that long I’m sure you will be richly rewarded, if you consider an NBC baseball hat and a 2 minute spot the Today Show a reward.
Similarly, if the American far left (*snicker*) is hoping for a rescue, they have another ten years of over heated dorm room philosophizing to endure. But your snark reveals that you already know that there is no rescue…no hopeful reports of heartbeats being picked up on microphones, and no media circus in our future. I think we both have the sense that there is no such a thing as the American far left. Just as you have withered into a disgusting morlock over the past few years in the well, the American left has disintegrated too. We didn’t have the Aaron Ralston pluck to cut our arm off back when we still had arms. So now we lefties are a shriveled, armless and translucent blob. (Trust me. I spent one afternoon chatting with “Green Party” people on Facebook.)
Something will come after us though. I don’t know what it will be, but a one party corporatist state seems too much like RoboCop to contemplate. If we are destine to live out our future as characters in crappy science fiction movie couldn’t it at least be the 2009 bomb, Surrogates?
Yours in fin de siècle ennui,
Dr. Liberal
PS. Let the Dr. heal your fractured coxis, metaphorically speaking.
In simpler terms—you should have fallen in a Wishing Well.
Very well said.
I wish this post had more comments. (too subtle?)
Unfortunately, Lassie was eaten on a bed of rice and greens in Indonesia in 1968.
We will be due for a missing blonde girl this August, so Timmy is probably out of luck until after the election.
An excellent call back.
I thought that Lassie was strapped to the roof of a car and was hosed off up there.
I wonder what the wet bulb temperature was on the roof of that car at 60 MPH?
Timmy… believe it or not, we are still arguing about the Bush tax cuts. If you have been down there since 2010, you haven’t missed much. If the bipartisan austerity plan passes, you might be better off down there. All our houses are under water too.
But Timmy, whatever you do–don’t drink the water!