Paranoia, Delaware Style

Filed in Delaware by on February 21, 2011

I ran across this little item in yesterday’s News Journal:

Buried deep in an electronic newsletter issued Saturday by the conservative 9-12 Delaware Patriots was an item letting people know about an emergency preparedness workshop next month in Dover.

“Are you prepared to cope with empty stores within hours of the proclamation of a general emergency?” asked the item. It was nestled between a link to a blog on how ABC News wonders if “Obama is Creating State-Run Media” and dates for upcoming deadlines for those interested in running for school boards.

Little else was said other than, “this is going to be very informative, and with all the recent events unfolding, this is one workshop you don’t want to miss!”

If you are curious about preparing for an emergency, make sure to be at the March 19 workshop, which starts at noon at the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints at 237 Lebanon Road, slightly west of the intersection of Old Mill Road.

So, what do you think they’re selling? Gold coins? Survival seeds? Glenn Beck’s 100-yr plan? Perhaps we should all attend, since we’ve already heard that the Rapture is actually happening this May, we need to be prepared for all those John Galts to be raptured.

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Opinionated chemist, troublemaker, blogger on national and Delaware politics.

Comments (37)

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  1. jason330 says:

    If we could only figure out how to use angry, paranoid, stupidity to turn electrical generators we’d have enough electricity to power a million late term abortion clinics.

  2. Jacob Haun says:

    So you guys are down to busting on Mormons?

  3. jason330 says:

    Are they angry, paranoid, stupid mormons? If so, then yes. The busting will continue.

  4. Well, the event takes place at a Mormon facility. Should Jason have omitted that from his report? Didn’t think so.

    When it comes to religion, I’m an equal opportunity skeptic. But it’s difficult to trust a movement when Brigham Young, one of the key figures in the church’s history, promoted and hailed the concept of “Lying for the Lord”:

    http://www.mormonwiki.org/Lying_for_the_Lord

    Plus, there’s Mitt Romney and the Osmonds.

  5. Geezer says:

    I’m no expert on Mormons, but I have several good friends who are Mormon (hey, they’re really nice people even if I find their religion weird and their politics hidebound). As I understand it, this prepare-for-apocalypse thing is a main tenet of their faith. My friends are required to have six months’ worth of food supplies in their pantries at all times.

  6. jason330 says:

    The commenter knows that this post was pointing out stupid, angry, paranoid people. Not an attack on mormons. I happen like all the Mormons I’ve ever met. Granted, it is a small sample group.

  7. The 9/12 Patriots are the ones who sent the email about attending this training.
    As far as I know they are not a religious organization. Glenn Beck does push “survival seeds” and gold coins on his show.

  8. I like ‘em too. Just have a hard time telling whether they’re sincere or…glib.

    No one ever has any doubt when they meet me. I let ‘em know right upfront that I’m faking sincerity the best I can.

    I DO know, however, that Donnie Osmond’s teeth can’t possibly be real. Oh, and that Mitt Romney lashed the family dog in a cage to the top of his car when driving to the family’s vacation getaway. Oh, and that nothing Romney says can remotely be trusted.

    I know that my logic may be faulty, but, IMHO, no more faulty than a religion based on the alleged finding of a gold-plated book allegedly planted by the ‘Angel Moroni’ in western New York State, conveniently (and fortunately) discovered by Mormonism’s founder Joseph Smith, who just happened to live nearby, in the 1820’s. Not that this origin is any stranger than most religions’. Just more recent, except of course, for Scientology and its (wait for it) ‘ilk’.

    Even the religion’s name has been, um, polished up. Were it to pay true tribute to the founding angel, it would’ve been called ‘Moronism’, which clearly would have been a tougher sell to the heathen masses, though arguably a tad more truthful.

  9. Cpt Robespierre says:

    Said it before and I’ll say it again:
    “What I don’t understand is how it would be good to have non-hybrid/non-genetically-modified ["survival"] seeds when the World Government’s Black Helicopters could use their chemtrails to dump Monsanto’s Roundup Ready seeds across the land until all conventional crops cross-bred into World Government-approved genetically engineered crops that require you to purchase State-Produced Pesticides.”

    Prepare ye the way of The Emergency!

    (and for those with uncalibrated satire detectors…)

  10. Aoine says:

    Emergency preparedness – Sussex County 9/12 style:

    With your right hand – clutch your bible

    and with your left hand clutch your gun……..

    The end is near, the signs abound….there is a black person in the White House…]

    the second coming will be after the three days of darkness…

  11. Jacob Haun says:

    The Haun’s Mill massacre was the Mormon’s 9/11. Ask your Mormon friends if you can look in their basements. You’ll see their survival goods. Go to this meeting and perhaps you’ll learn some survivals skills and they’ll come in handy when Obama spending causes America to implode. I think the next meeting will be “How to field strip a Liberal”

  12. Joanne Christian says:

    Small sample group reporting for duty. I like you too Jason. And Geezer, and ElSom I’d be happy to share from my pantry if needed. Not because of “rapture”…a word not even in my vernacular, but because hopefully I’m a good neighbor, when the snow comes, or there is a weather emergency I have extra, or a back-up. I don’t need to fight traffic, and crazy “sky is falling–I can’t live w/o bread, milk or toilet paper for the next 36 hrs. kind of people”. I get to remain at home pretty much doing what I usually do, because of preparedness principles. It’s like money in the bank–you know–savings. What many people today have never learned to do. We are not “required” to do it, and many would not be able to do it considering living space, or world climates, but it is a principle of provident living that certainly only helps in tough times.

  13. Geezer says:

    Joanne: Thanks for the further explanation.

  14. Joanne Christian says:

    hey geezer, I’d deliver a loaf of homemade bread if I knew where:)

  15. jason330 says:

    “How to field strip a Liberal” or homemade bread… Hmm? Life is all about choices.

  16. Geezer says:

    Joanne, you’re a good egg. Which only confirms my previously stated pro-Mormon bias, I suppose, though until today I didn’t know you were LDS.

  17. Von Cracker says:

    A cult hosting a cult in a world where cults are not considered cults.

    Fire Woman, you’re to blame!

  18. Jacob Haun says:

    Go with the homemade bread Jason and call it a day because you won’t like the Butt Out Tool.

  19. Jason330 says:

    If surviving means hanging around with violent creeps like you, count me out.

  20. Geezer says:

    Something tells me “Jacob” wasn’t too successful on his mission. Where’d they send you, Jacob, South Central? Broad and Diamond?

  21. Aoine says:

    HOw to “field strip a Liberal?”

    easy – ASK them to take off their clothes – they probaby will

    – we generally dont have the prudish hangs ups like, your body is evil – hang-ups that good conservatives have…

  22. Ummmm….I have plenty of hang ups.

  23. Aoine says:

    me too…

    but I doubt you’d find too many Tea Baggerz at a nudist retreat….

  24. Aoine says:

    of course that being said…I’m not sure if that last thought is really funny or really gross….

    Beauty is in the eye of the beholder………..

  25. socialistic ben says:

    in the same comment, Jacob lamented a Mormon genocide, AND joked that at their next meeting they will discuss how to butcher a human just because their political views are different.

    stay classy

  26. Jacob Haun says:

    and your Nobel Peace Prize winner goes on the kill children in Afghanistan the day after his celebration. I don’t think Peace meant rest in peace. Butcher humans! Talk to your lab rat friends who mixes the poisons for profit.

  27. Capt.Willard says:

    I can just picture some few toothed 9/12 Patriots with a fat, young liberal boy like Bobby in “Deliverance” somewhere near Gumboro.
    At gun and knife point they force him out of his trousers.
    I can see them following the script.
    As he stands trembling in his tighty-whities the head hick drools and delivers the best line in the movie:”PANTIES too!”
    Rape is all about power.
    Conservatives believe libs must be DOMINATED, raped if need be, and brought under control.
    They have Taliban minds masquerading as Christian values.
    They make Baby Jesus cry.

  28. Geezer says:

    Uh, Capt., maybe you should keep what you picture in your head to yourself.

  29. Capt.Willard says:

    Jeez, Geez, I thought I made a valid point.
    When the voices stop the imagery comes rushing in.
    I’ll go take my meds now.

  30. Never knew you were a Mormon either, JC. And, while you are well-spoken, you’re not glib. When you comment, you’re one of my benchmarks because you’re always so thoughtful. And everyone here at DL knows that you’re a truly good person who gives back at every opportunity.

    Just two requests: (1) Will you stop ruining my easy stereotypes for me, and (2) can I borrow a month’s worth of sugar?

  31. Geezer says:

    You did, you did. But I didn’t need to remember the movie in that much detail. It took years to wipe it away, and bam! you brought it right back. Sooooieee!

  32. Geezer says:

    El Som: If you’re going to party with Mormons, remember to lay in a good store of “Mormon champagne,” better known as Sprite.

  33. Obama2008 says:

    “better known as Sprite”

    Tab, actually.

  34. Geezer says:

    Not to nitpick, but Tab doesn’t look much like champagne.

  35. Obama2008 says:

    You haven’t partied with Joanne.

  36. I thought it was Hawaiian Punch. I know the Osmonds were big fans. Which is one reason why Donny’s teeth can’t possibly be real.

    And, I HAVE partied with Joanne. Didn’t take notice of what she was drinking, though…

  37. Capt.Willard says:

    Donny Osmond has done a decent job winding his way through the parameters of show-biz.
    He’s not above poking fun at himself, and neither is Marie.
    I was never a fan, but I give these two a break.
    They’re not out pontificating,as far as I know.[If I'm wrong,correct me]