The Teabagger Pledge

Filed in National by on September 19, 2009

I saw this at dKos yesterday, but it also turned up in my email several times today, so I thought I would post it here. Perhaps our local teabaggers will print this up and make a point of getting their cohorts to signup. Or perhaps tell us they endorse this letter in the comments!

I crack myself up.

I, ________________________, do solemnly swear to uphold the principles of a socialism-free society and heretofore pledge my word that I shall strictly adhere to the following:

I will complain about the destruction of 1st Amendment Rights in this country, while I am duly being allowed to exercise my 1st Amendment Rights.

I will complain about the destruction of my 2nd Amendment Rights in this country, while I am duly being allowed to exercise my 2nd Amendment rights by legally but brazenly brandishing unconcealed firearms in public.

I will foreswear the time-honored principles of fairness, decency, and respect by screaming unintelligible platitudes regarding tyranny, Nazi-ism, and socialism at public town halls. Also.

I pledge to eliminate all government intervention in my life. I will abstain from the use of and participation in any socialist goods and services including but not limited to the following:

  • Social Security
  • Medicare/Medicaid
  • State Children’s Health Insurance Programs (SCHIP)
  • Police, Fire, and Emergency Services
  • US Postal Service
  • Roads and Highways
  • Air Travel (regulated by the socialist FAA)
  • he US Railway System
  • Public Subways and Metro Systems
  • Public Bus and Lightrail Systems
  • Rest Areas on Highways
  • Sidewalks
  • All Government-Funded Local/State Projects (e.g., see Iowa 2009 federal senate appropriations)
  • Public Water and Sewer Services (goodbye socialist toilet, shower, dishwasher, kitchen sink, outdoor hose!)
  • Public and State Universities and Colleges
  • Public Primary and Secondary Schools
  • Sesame Street
  • Publicly Funded Anti-Drug Use Education for Children
  • Public Museums
  • Libraries
  • Public Parks and Beaches
  • State and National Parks
  • Public Zoos
  • Unemployment Insurance
  • Municipal Garbage and Recycling Services
  • Treatment at Any Hospital or Clinic That Ever Received Funding From Local, State or Federal Government (pretty much all of them)
  • Medical Services and Medications That Were Created or Derived From Any Government Grant or Research Funding (again, pretty much all of them)
  • Socialist Byproducts of Government Investment Such as Duct Tape and Velcro (Nazi-NASA Inventions)
  • Use of the Internets, email, and networked computers, as the DoD’s ARPANET was the basis for subsequent computer networking
  • Foodstuffs, Meats, Produce and Crops That Were Grown With, Fed With, Raised With or That Contain Inputs From Crops Grown With Government Subsidies
  • Clothing Made from Crops (e.g. cotton) That Were Grown With or That Contain Inputs From Government Subsidies

If a veteran of the government-run socialist US military, I will forego my VA benefits and insist on paying for my own medical care.

I will not tour socialist government buildings like the Capitol in Washington, D.C.

I pledge to never take myself, my family, or my children on a tour of the following types of socialist locations, including but not limited to:

  • Smithsonian Museums such as the Air and Space Museum or Museum of American History
  • The socialist Washington, Lincoln, and Jefferson Monuments
  • The government-operated Statue of Liberty
  • The Grand Canyon
  • The socialist World War II and Vietnam Veterans Memorials
  • The government-run socialist-propaganda location known as Arlington National Cemetery
  • All other public-funded socialist sites, whether it be in my state or in Washington, DC

I will urge my Member of Congress and Senators to forego their government salary and government-provided healthcare.

I will oppose and condemn the government-funded and therefore socialist military of the United States of America.

I will boycott the products of socialist defense contractors such as GE, Lockheed-Martin, Boeing, Northrop Grumman, General Dynamics, Raytheon, Humana, FedEx, General Motors, Honeywell, and hundreds of others that are paid by our socialist government to produce goods for our socialist army.

I will protest socialist security departments such as the Pentagon, FBI, CIA, Department of Homeland Security, TSA, Department of Justice and their socialist employees.

Upon reaching eligible retirement age, I will tear up my socialist Social Security checks.

Upon reaching age 65, I will forego Medicare and pay for my own private health insurance until I die.


_____________ _________________________

Signed Printed Name/Town and State


About the Author ()

"You don't make progress by standing on the sidelines, whimpering and complaining. You make progress by implementing ideas." -Shirley Chisholm

Comments (27)

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  1. From Pine View Farm » Sign the Teabagger Pledge | September 19, 2009
  1. They should pass these out at the next teabaggers rally.

  2. Proof that neither you not the KOSsacks understand what the issues being raised by these folks really are.

  3. cassandra_m says:

    Sure we do — and the only issues being raised by these folks are the ones being fed to them by their corporate and radio handlers. This Pledge just makes it plain the real stupidity of all of that manufactured outrage. Especially since most of what they are complaining about was BushCo policy.

  4. ManBearPig says:

    Cassy…You should consider having a good long look in the mirror some time soon…

    (Don’t worry…I know you won’t…)

  5. Your position seems to be that if one thinks that anything is beyond the legitimate scope of government then one should think that everything is beyond the legitimate scope of government — got it.

    Which is, of course, utterly absurd.

  6. RICO says:

    Hey, put that out, no smoking around the straw man.

  7. mike x says:

    Unlike some fake conservatives around here, I am consistent. I therefor, take your pledge and do so with pride in the knowledge that I am following the examples of my four fathers who founded this country under GOD!! Amen. Except for that last part. You can have my Medicare when you can pry it from my cold dead hand.

  8. Frank says:

    Rhymes with Right may be right, if fiction=issues.

    Never mind.

  9. Progressive Mom says:

    oooh– Now I understand why RWR is being so snarky with Cassandra on another thread…he doesn’t like the way he’s being treated on this one.

    Got it.

  10. When is the government going to allow people to opt out of paying taxes for all of this stuff again?

    This is so stupid it is not worth going over though I would love to get the feds out of mass transit, allow competition in letters, allow private accounts for social security (stealing what people where forced to pay 12.6% of their income for is pretty stupid–it may be a lousy investment but it is your money– if you don’t pay it you can go to jail or have your accounts and property seized), give tax credits back to for schooling, and give tax credits for research since the vast majority of research comes from the private sector.

    Medicare is mandatory for most and you cannot buy full board private insurance individually if you are over 65 because of it. When the government dominates a market it drives out competition especially when it takes the money for its premiums.

    I have a counter proposal. Allow people to opt out of the pre-1937 government programs. Let education money follow the children not the bureaucracy. Take the income tax back to the original for incomes over a half million dollars 1 to 2% for those who choose this option. Then let’s see how many people choose your way.

  11. mike x says:

    Your first instinct was right. You are stupid. Nevertheless, I must correct a fellow gay conservative because Gingrich and Palin can’t do all the heavy lifting. Your error is WE CAN”T STOP AT MASS TRANSIT..we need to defund highways and let the market work. The amount of my tax money that is wasted by the government on highways when it should be wasted by me on Applebee’s boneless chicken wings is SHOCKING!!

  12. The last time I checked the roads were a constitutional function under Article 1 Section 8 and are funded by excise taxes. You may try reading the Constitution folks. You may learn something, it is Constitution week. Social Security as misconstrued as it is would fall under the 16th amendment authority. Medicare is just out of bounds. It should be devolved into regional coops allowed to compete with each other like the long distance monopoly break up, but it won’t be. The government loves the power.

  13. mike x says:

    The 69th Amendment is a bar that I’d like to buy you a drink in sometime. Your gay conservatism is making me horny.

  14. Von Cracker says:

    It is what it is, conservatives – tax funds used to assist, to create, and protect is, on its face, socialism. Those amendments you throw around are only justifications for the acts, unless you believe that the Founders incorporated socialism into the Constitution from the get go.

    It’s ok though, understanding the meaning of words is hard.

  15. John Young says:

    RD, since you like the Constitution so much, let’s clarify: the only power conferred in Art. 1, Sec 8 is for roads to carry mail “To establish Post Offices and post Roads” which is assuredly not all roads.

  16. I agree with David. Too sarcastic to take seriously. USPS is now independent, isn’t it?

    I will say that instead of being sacastic about revoking all of these government services from the lives of such “teabaggers” maybe you should sit back and go “Damn. My government has it’s hands in the pocket of so many industries. Is this the peoper usage of the money they take from me and my family? Should I be subsidizing cotton growers and funding who knows what with the money I don’t have to put food on my table and improve the lives of my family?”

    Look and see how involved your government is in every step of your life from A to Z.

    I don’t have time to now, but I really could tear this apart. Instead, I am off to bed for a 14 hour shift tomorrow.

  17. rhubard says:

    “with the money I don’t have”

    Uh…if you don’t have it, you wouldn’t pay it.

    Meanwhile, not a peep of protest about the $75 billion the US spent on spying last year.

    I’ll join you, Brian and David, the moment you show any signs of understanding where the real power lies. Hint: Not Washington.

  18. cassandra_m says:

    Should I be subsidizing cotton growers and funding who knows what with the money I don’t have to put food on my table and improve the lives of my family?”

    As rhubard says, if you don’t have the money, you don’t pay it.

    With the point of the exercise being that the teabaggers with their highly emotional objection to “government spending” never get specific about what spending they want to go away. Or if they are specific, they are:
    1) talking about a program that pays for itself (social security);
    2) talking about a program whose elimination doesn’t go very far in reducing the deficits or the debt (Corporation for Public Broadcasting or even earmarks)
    3) just generally getting their bitching on.

    Because all of this spending has been a signature of all of our lives. And the minute there was light at the end of the tunnel — when Clinton left office leaving surpluses — there was BushCo destroying that surplus AND busily building in the largest structural deficits of our time. A thing that did not inspire the marches and the town halls and the various wingnut corporate and radio handlers to object. Until now, apparently.

    The other thing that this points out is that you need to win elections to influence policy and spending. But as this list points out — there is plenty of stuff on the Fed budget that is always going to be a fixture. So where is the outrage over that? Where are the signs and the marches to make public zoos fully self-funding? Where is the outrage that parents are not paying the full freight for their kid’s education? And think about that for a second. What do you think would happen if state and local governments all over the US dropped school taxes and told parents they had to pay directly for their kids’s education?

    There is alot of government spending that has massive or influential constituencies. If majorities of people were really upset about it, they would have been voting quite differently than they have been.

  19. 13breeze says:

    I will be happy to give up the usage of all of the above when my refund check is written for services not rendered…..including all federal and local taxes.

  20. Miscreant says:

    “It is what it is, conservatives – tax funds used to assist, to create, and protect is, on its face, socialism.”

    I suppose it could be considered Socialism for those who consume, but don’t contribute. Otherwise, it’s simply services rendered for pay.

    “I don’t have time to now, but I really could tear this apart.”

    Prof. Newton very adequately ripped this contrived argument a new ass.

  21. I’m sorry Miscreant, but it costs you a lot less money to pay for these services through taxes than to buy them individually.

  22. Miscreant says:

    True, it’s kind of like getting a quantity discount (which I am compelled to pay) for an array of product(s) that I may, or may not, ever use. Then again… and I haven’t crunched the numbers, but if I were able to pay individually for only the services I use, it may prove to be more economical.

  23. cassandra m says:

    Which works in alot of different ways. Lots of people are not interested in providing funds for defense spending, but hey. Spend they do.

    But I do note that none of the complainers will detail what they don’t want the government to spend money and none of them can detail the electoral strategy they’ll employ to get the kind of majorities that will shut off the spigots.

    And this is just plain stupid:
    I suppose it could be considered Socialism for those who consume, but don’t contribute.

    The teabaggers themselves consider “socialism” paying for government. By definition. The Pledge written above reminds them of what their Summer of Spittle stands for.

  24. Miscreant says:

    “Just plain stupid” is making an absurd generalization like this:

    “The teabaggers themselves consider “socialism” paying for government. By definition.”

    Some components of government are worthwhile, and I gladly pay for what I use. I think you’ll find many people, regardless of political affiliation, have that in common.

  25. Bobby Thomson says:

    So let me get this straight. The people who sat on their hands while Junior Bush passed Medicare Part D and wasted trillions of dollars and thousands of lives in Iraq aren’t satisfied with their hypocrisy in whining about comparatively tiny expenditures. Now, when they are hoisted on their own petards for trying to elevate ordinary disputes about policy into ZOMG Socialism! Threat to the Constitution!, they complain about a lack of NUANCE?