About Donvictimiti

author photo

hiding in the open

See All Posts by Donvictimiti

Why I’m just about the coolest f’ing blogger there is

July 9th, 2009 • Related • Filed Under
By Donvictimiti

I mean, I don’t know, I’m pretty god damn sure I’m the coolest blogger there is. What do you think about that. One of the most powerful sentences there ever was. Right there. First. Fuck that “it was the best of times it was the worst of times shit” Screw the shit about clocks striking 13. That’s so weak. So fucking European to think that stringing together a few words so pathetic my weeds in my lawn could recite them. All those sentences you hear buffoons recite are the first sentence. Aren’t they. You know, those pantie waste nerdy bitches that are trying to impress you by making you think that they are smart and esoteric in some hip way. You know why they can only recite the first sentence? You know Why? Because that’s all the they know. They don’t anything in the rest of the god damned book besides the author’s name. I’m the coolest because I know you are full of shit.

So, the question you are asking is why the hell did he just write what he wrote. Well, because I know it. You know it and the rest of the bitches that come here know it too. As soon as they see my brilliance explode all over them it has hit them. Reality. The riddle solve. My enigmaism has been defined. While I knew it all along. Making you look even dumber.

Listen, It’s not hard. I’m know it for a fact. Cooler people than you, know they are cool because they can pull it off. They know they have what it takes to make it happen and to command as stoically as Sean Connery in “Hunt For Red October”. Which was right at the pinnacle of his career and not soon after where Will Farrell bitch slapped him with his coolness and mocked Connery into forever being linked to a bitch slapper (ala John Atkins) and mockery of over caricatured Irish Drunks.

I’m the coolest blogger there is because I was there when it happened. That definitive moment when I saw it. It was I. I was awesome. I’m awesome. Everything was fucking awesome. I’m cool. -1 x -1 = positive bitch. Positive I’m the coolest.

You see, as I started to say a few sentences ago, I’m cool because I know you know that I can expose your weak shit you bring for exactly what it is. I know you. I know what you think. I know how you think you are better than me. Than everyone. I see you for what you are and I know. You know it. Bang. I’m cooler than you.

You see, I get it. I know you get it. You know I get it. I know that you know that because I know and live the way I live that I’m the shit. Don’t get that? tough, I do which makes me cooler by far. I’m the coolest F’ing blogger here and now. I’m so cool I don’t need exclamation points to signify how cool I am. I’m so cool I’m typing this with a 1948 Macallan on the table a whiff away. I have the keys to the cool kingdom and only few people I know are with me behind the door you only wish you could even touch your soft non-calloused hands on. Those of you that hung a few weekends ago and have in the past know. You can vouch. Testify. Verify and Unify.

I’m the coolest. Sorry. I’m not finishing last in the race you want me to run. I’m making you follow me like a 8 week puppy follows its master. I’m still here. You aren’t. I walk the path I want to walk because. I can. I swagger. I saunter. Yes, that’s fucking right. Saunter.

Next.

There Are 33 Responses So Far. »

  1. Comment by Von Cracker on 9 July 2009 at 9:49 pm:

    As I told McCain:

    If you insist on repetitively telling me who and what you are, you’re probably not.

    lol

  2. Comment by Donfncooliaviti on 9 July 2009 at 9:53 pm:

    Our country has holidays several times a year as a reminder of how awesome it is. Consider this a friendly reminder.

  3. Comment by Joanne Christian on 9 July 2009 at 9:55 pm:

    But wait…last year you were the hottest…now your the coolest…just keep me posted.

  4. Comment by nemski on 9 July 2009 at 9:59 pm:

    Donviti is showing Pornstache how to cut and paste creatively!

  5. Comment by anonone on 9 July 2009 at 10:04 pm:

    You feeling a bit insecure today?

  6. Comment by Donfncooliaviti on 9 July 2009 at 10:05 pm:

    never and in my presence you will.

  7. Comment by grunk on 9 July 2009 at 10:08 pm:

    There’s a minute and a half of my life I’ll never get back.

  8. Comment by Delaware Dem on 9 July 2009 at 10:42 pm:

    So, you’re cool, and have difficulty with commas.

    Good to know.

    ;)

  9. Comment by Delaware Dem on 9 July 2009 at 10:44 pm:

    By the way, I am dismayed by the shortening of your name. In your next incarnation, I was expecting Donsquishymishycoolihottiyouknowitihusseiniviti.

  10. Comment by making fun of mike protack on 9 July 2009 at 10:50 pm:

    NOOO YOU ARENT YOU COMMIE! *slobber* *fart* YOU ARENT as cool as my lover mike castle! *garble garble slobber*

  11. Comment by bovarian on 9 July 2009 at 11:23 pm:

    You’re a twice married (soon to be twice divorced) dumb fucking fat wop who lives in Wilmington, Delaware.

    Sorry….did I miss something?

  12. Comment by Von Cracker on 9 July 2009 at 11:28 pm:

    :roll:
    wow, what an asshole.

    and I think he has papers.

  13. Comment by pandora on 9 July 2009 at 11:40 pm:

    Bovarian is so not cool.

  14. Comment by Unstable Isotope on 10 July 2009 at 12:18 am:

    Bovarian definitely isn’t cool.

    Pandora is Delaware’s hottest blogger.

    I’m Delaware’s newest blogger?

  15. Comment by Unstable Isotope on 10 July 2009 at 12:19 am:

    Jason330 is Delaware’s most Amish blogger.

  16. Comment by John Young on 10 July 2009 at 12:33 am:

    Amish?: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WrowbOGZJwg

  17. Comment by anonone on 10 July 2009 at 12:38 am:

    You would feel downright feverish in my presence.

  18. Comment by TommyWonk on 10 July 2009 at 6:49 am:

    It seems like just a year ago, you were Delaware’s self-proclaimed hottest blogger. Sorry that didn’t work out.

  19. Comment by bovarian on 10 July 2009 at 7:30 am:

    Amish don’t have man-boobs.

  20. Comment by anon on 10 July 2009 at 7:38 am:

    bovarian = cow-lover

  21. Comment by callerRick on 10 July 2009 at 7:51 am:

    If “brevity is the soul of wit,” where does that put you? You surely aced your “self esteem” classes, but people who talk about how “cool” they are, aren’t. Sort of like a 14-year-old’s hot air.

  22. Comment by Art Downs on 10 July 2009 at 8:26 am:

    Is gratuitous vulgarity really hot?

    I am certainly no prude but there is a time and place for everything.

    If Sister Mary Elephant whacks her thumb with a hammer while hanging a religious painting and yells ‘M-F’, the words have a powerful impact. If the phrase is repeatedly used as a filler in conversation, it marks the utterer as an oafish lout.

  23. Comment by Dave M. on 10 July 2009 at 8:42 am:

    Wait a minute, wait a minute. Did I glean from the above posts and responses that DV has gotten fat? If so, I’m tearing down my poster and putting Brad Pitt back up.

  24. Comment by Delaware Dem on 10 July 2009 at 9:03 am:

    Not in comparision to me.

  25. Comment by nemski on 10 July 2009 at 9:14 am:

    Art Downs asked Is gratuitous vulgarity really hot?

    Apparently, if one is 14 years old. ;-)

  26. Comment by Joanne Christian on 10 July 2009 at 9:42 am:

    WWWHHHHAAAATTTT you have a poster of Hef? I never knew he did cameos–there were always bookend blondes, and gravitational girls all around when I last saw him. He wasn’t doing that male porn stuff too was he? Hef?? Answer please.
    You don’t want this story to break like a Republican do you?

  27. Comment by Geezer on 10 July 2009 at 9:53 am:

    “Is gratuitous vulgarity really hot?”

    Fuckin’ A.

  28. Comment by Geezer on 10 July 2009 at 9:53 am:

    The poll doesn’t have a choice of “both.”

  29. Comment by Rich Boucher on 10 July 2009 at 2:43 pm:

    I need to make this clear:

    DonV may very well be taller than I am.

    DonV may very well have more money than I do.

    DonV may possibly have had more women than I have had.

    But I’m the cooler one.

  30. Comment by jason330 on 10 July 2009 at 6:05 pm:

    I like that this post uses quantitative as well as qualitative reasoning.

  31. Comment by Rich Boucher on 10 July 2009 at 6:32 pm:

    Also, there’s this:

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S7_bt2ZJ_ho

    Put that ^ in your cool pipe and smoke it, Mr. Squishy.

  32. Comment by IMMUHHORN on 11 July 2009 at 1:57 pm:

    This blog [url=http://www.huskoeb-lavpris.info/bolighandel/saelg-bolig-Egvad.html]skødeskrivning bolig [/url] s crushed. lPaede assist to our team

  33. Comment by EvalmEvaryGAr on 11 July 2009 at 2:00 pm:

    For those of you that have been looking at saving money on video games. I found a step-by-step guide to downloading [url=http://www.articlesbase.com/technology-articles/easily-learn-how-to-download-free-wii-games-743142.html]Free Wii Games[/url]

    Enjoy… :-)

Switch to our mobile site