A Modest Proposal

April 21st, 2009 • Related • Filed Under
By liberalgeek

Mr Cheney,

I hereby challenge you to a test of torture.  Over the course of a few days, I will have trained professionals administer enhanced interrogation techniques to you.  You will be subjected to nothing stronger than we have subjected the detainees that we have held in the War on Terror to.  You will be waterboarded, sleep-deprived, held in stress positions and forced to stand naked in front of vicious dogs.

I understand that you have a bad heart, so I will have board-certified doctors that are capable of reviving you if the old ticker should freak out again.  If that happens, you will be given a few hours of rest, and then we will recommence.

If you can go three days with out uttering the phrase “Barack Obama is the best President ever” we will shut up about you and your war on terror.  You will get a free pass on all prosecutions in the future.  But you can stop the interrogation at any time by simply uttering the phrase above on camera.  If you do “break” you will have to shut up, forever about how we got good information from the people we tortured.  Deal?

There Are 15 Responses So Far. »

  1. Comment by Unstable Isotope on 21 April 2009 at 1:52 pm:

    I think he should be waterboarded 183 times in one month.

  2. Comment by jason330 on 21 April 2009 at 1:53 pm:

    Just heard a caller to Al’s show saying that torture is no big deal. That it is no different to what SEAL recruits undergo during training.

    *sigh*

  3. Comment by pandora on 21 April 2009 at 1:57 pm:

    Sounds fair to me, LG.

  4. Comment by liberalgeek on 21 April 2009 at 2:07 pm:

    We could likely up the stakes a little and throw in some cash. Say a million bucks? Not bad for 72 hours work…

  5. Comment by anon on 21 April 2009 at 2:13 pm:

    If the prosecutors get too close, Cheney will no doubt take the Bill Casey exit plan”

    “Hours before Casey was scheduled to testify before Congress related to his knowledge of Iran-Contra, he was reported to have been rendered incapable of speech, and was later hospitalized.”

  6. Comment by feces throwing monkey on 21 April 2009 at 2:15 pm:

    I throw feces at Dick Cheney 183 times.

  7. Comment by jason330 on 21 April 2009 at 2:23 pm:

    The Bud Dwyer plan would be more honorable.

  8. Comment by liberalgeek on 21 April 2009 at 2:29 pm:

    true dat, J. I really just want to see him do an impression of the “Leave Brittany Spears Alone” youtube video, but saying, “Barack is the best of all time (sob) please don’t do it again…(sob) I’ll tell you whatever you want…”

  9. Comment by Geezer on 21 April 2009 at 2:42 pm:

    Take your satisfaction in this: Every day he wakes up to a world in which the words “President Obama” are uttered billions of times a day. I’m guessing he finds that torture.

  10. Comment by Perry on 21 April 2009 at 3:37 pm:

    Good one Geezer! Cheney looks like he hasn’t had a good night’s sleep since 1/20/09!

    Now he wants the memos released that indicate the results of the torture, an ends justifies the means kind of argument like those we’ve been hearing now for eight years, thankfully over.

    And GOP speech writer/columnist Peggy Noonan suggests that we just forget the whole thing.

    There is just no core there — it’s gone, assuming there ever was one!

  11. Comment by cassandra_m on 21 April 2009 at 3:56 pm:

    I pt this in the Open Thread, but apparently Cheney has NOT asked anybody for any document releases. So they still lie about everything.

    And then — by what authority would Dick Cheney — Vice President to the Worst President Ever — be asking anyone in the CIA to release anything?

  12. Comment by Dana on 21 April 2009 at 6:25 pm:

    Thing is, you got it backwards. The test isn’t if Mr Cheney could resist, but if he would break and give you the information you desired.

  13. Comment by xstryker on 21 April 2009 at 6:30 pm:

    Allowing torture is giving up on freedom. We must prosecute, or the terrorists will have won.

  14. Comment by liberalgeek on 21 April 2009 at 6:43 pm:

    Dana – I am trying to make Cheney break down and tell me something that he believes is wrong. This will show that a tortured person will tell you anything to make it stop. It doesn’t mean that the data is correct.

  15. Comment by Unstable Isotope on 21 April 2009 at 7:26 pm:

    I don’t think torture will work on Cheney because he doesn’t have a heart or soul.

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