Training for the War on Christmas

November 29th, 2007 • Related • Filed Under
By liberalgeek

I have been training with my fellow warriors for the past few weeks, crawling under garland barriers, avoiding mistletoe, and lots of reindeer games. I think we are just about ready for our first incursion on Christmas, building up to our assault on SHQ (Santa’s Headquarters) on the 23rd. My only fear is that the man-made snow that we are training on may not be a reasonable facsimile of the snow that we encounter near SHQ. Plus, we have added a swim section to our training regimen, since the north pole is thawing.

Ahhh!  I love this time of the year.

There Are 14 Responses So Far. »

  1. Comment by disbelief on 29 November 2007 at 4:34 pm:

    Who won the contest for naming your operation of enduring glory that will put your name in history with the other great dictators such as Saddam Hussein, Idi Amin, and G. Bush?

  2. Comment by liberalgeek on 29 November 2007 at 4:42 pm:

    Good question. I have been torn. I prefer Operation Winter Festival. But Jason prefers ODCYWOCFALATSLYUF.

  3. Comment by Von Cracker on 29 November 2007 at 4:44 pm:

    Ha! I forgot to edit it….

  4. Comment by donviti on 29 November 2007 at 4:49 pm:

    I’m going to look so hot in my gear!

    picture tom cruies MI3, but taller and more muscular!

  5. Comment by Brian on 29 November 2007 at 4:57 pm:

    Can I waterboard santa…please?

  6. Comment by cassandra m on 29 November 2007 at 9:17 pm:

    I want to waterboard Santa’s elves — Sean Hannity and Bill O’Reilly.

  7. Comment by liberalgeek on 29 November 2007 at 9:53 pm:

    If we cannot find Santa, we will waterboard the elves until they tell us where he is.

  8. Comment by anon on 29 November 2007 at 11:17 pm:

    This weekend a team will patrol for state-funded nativity scenes.

    The enemy will defend its perimeter with relentless barrages of “Little Drummer Boy.”

    We must be strong, and continue with the primary mission: to plant a large, gaudy menorah on the lawn of the Indian River School Board.

  9. Comment by jason330 on 29 November 2007 at 11:41 pm:

    What I like about this war on Christmas is that it will pay for itself and nobody will really have to sacrifice anything. Christmas, once liberated, will probably be our best buddy and help us liberate St Patricks Day.

  10. Comment by G Rex on 30 November 2007 at 5:42 pm:

    “…primary mission: to plant a large, gaudy menorah on the lawn of the Indian River School Board.”

    Menorah? What, you have a problem with 8 foot multicolored Kwaanza candles? Hater! Hater!

  11. Comment by Brian on 30 November 2007 at 7:10 pm:

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9YUZGBGB1UU

  12. Comment by Brian on 30 November 2007 at 7:12 pm:

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y-_VsYo3RYM

  13. Pingback by Outside the Perimeter: War On Christmas « kavips on 24 December 2007 at 7:40 am:

    [...] greed is good, intelligence sharing, neocon madness, parental responsibility There has been some bantering about on some of the local blogs about a “war on Christmas” being undertaken [...]

  14. Comment by Gen. Confusion on 24 December 2007 at 7:51 am:

    Private Brian, Thanks for those clips. The war on Christmas will be won by the small selfless, sacrificers like yourself.

    - Gen. Confusion